Dad jokes

[Not A Serious Person]

Legit story...


Archaeology students found dad jokes from Ancient Rome
https://www.npr.org/2023/04/01/1167432458/archaeology-students-found-dad-jokes-from-ancient-rome

[tower912]

My son plays the trombone and bass and therefore learned to read all of the bass notes.   He is in a musical this year and it turns out he is a tenor.   He is struggling to learn the treble notes.   Will he figure it out in time?  Tune in next week to find out!

This is called a clef hanger.

It's a little known fact, Normie, that the notes are different.

That is a clef Claven

[tower912]

What Christmas Carol do they play on a mental ward?



Do you hear what I hear?

[muwarrior69]

What Christmas Carol do they play on a mental ward?



Do you hear what I hear?

...and, do you see what I see.


Rocket Surgeon's favorite hymn has to be:

Drum role, Crown Him with many Crowns.

[tower912]

What is the title of the physician who has to be available for any and all extreme emergencies over the weekend?


The on-call-ogist.

[tower912]

My daughter's dog got infested with little biting insects while visiting her future in-laws over the holiday.  (true!)   Driving back to Baltimore from SC, they stopped by the side of the road so the dog could get out and have a really good scratch.

So she got fleas pullovers for Christmas.

[Scoop Snoop]

My father always said that when one door closes, another opens. He was a wise man.... but a terrible cabinetmaker.

[tower912]

He who lives by the tort dies by the tort.
Or....
He lives by the torte dies by the torte.

[tower912]

In Saudi Arabia, one of the lesser princes is in charge of all of the charcuterie platters.



He is the tray sheik.

[Lennys Tap]

In Saudi Arabia, one of the lesser princes is in charge of all of the charcuterie platters.



He is the tray sheik.

Studied under Sheik Yer Booti

[tower912]

If Herman Melville were alive today and writing about scoop, he would only have to change his titles slightly.

Typo
O-MU
Mopey Dick

[tower912]

When it comes to making tea properly,

There is a steep learning curve.

[pbiflyer]

You know, not everyone thinks of Cleopatra as beautiful.

But that's how Julius Caesar.

[tower912]

With open house/graduation season upon us, many will be reaching out to neighbors to see who has additional place settings, Tupperware, cutlery, etc.   Get it in writing.

Call it an extra dish-n treaty.

[Scoop Snoop]

My neighbor asked me if I could give him a reference to a good septic cleaning company. I did so. Then he made the mistake of asking if we were happy with the work. Yes...really!

I texted that we were very happy with his service. I said he did a really crappy job, which was just what we wanted. I also said that we were the second job that day, so we were #2 on his list. Lastly, I added that the man was flushed with pride in a job well done.

[tower912]

I misplaced my car keys.  I searched and searched and finally found them.   Now, I feel fob-ulous.

[rocket surgeon]

when we had a house in lake Havasu city, the propane gas company's family name and name of the company was PASSMORE after grandpa Bob PASSMORE and hence the name, yes, PASSMORE GAS

they sold hats and shirts showing a dude with a wild look on his face, passing gas of course

[tower912]

How is an egg farm like my wife during the first cold snap?



All of the layers.

[tower912]

Tupperware...spoiler alert.   They tried to keep a lid on it, but word got out.

[tower912]

My wife is baking a dish she has never tried for Thanksgiving this year.  She is whisking a lot.

[4everwarriors]

Is dat like twerkin', hey?

[warriorchick]

Two antennas got married.

The wedding was ok.

But the reception was incredible.

[tower912]

Nm.  Too soon.

[Billy Hoyle]

I went to the doctor and all he did was draw blood from my neck. That's the last time I ever go see Dr. Acula.

(credit to Mitch Hedberg, RIP).

[tower912]

Ball joints.  Funny to say to your friends, funny to say at the dispensary.  The opposite of funny when the mechanic say it.