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Author Topic: Dad jokes  (Read 4377 times)

muwarrior69

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #25 on: July 12, 2023, 03:17:51 PM »
Quote from: Pakuni on July 06, 2023, 11:02:23 AM
What's the scariest plant in the forest?
Bam-BOO!

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're good at it.

Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
From climbing trees.
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Lennys Tap

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #26 on: July 12, 2023, 04:13:46 PM »
Quote from: tower912 on July 12, 2023, 02:26:51 PM
How many ND alum does it take to change a lightbulb?    One.   They hold it in place and the world revolves around them.

Different take:Q - How many Domers does it take to change a lightbulb? A - 30 - 1 to change it, 29 to reminisce about what a wonderful experience it was.
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StillAWarrior

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #27 on: July 12, 2023, 04:53:32 PM »
Quote from: tower912 on July 12, 2023, 02:26:51 PM
How many ND alum does it take to change a lightbulb?    One.   They hold it in place and the world revolves around them.

How can you tell someone is an ND alum? Don't worry, they'll mention it.
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Never wrestle with a pig.  You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #28 on: July 12, 2023, 04:55:53 PM »
Quote from: StillAWarrior on July 12, 2023, 04:53:32 PM
How can you tell someone is an ND alum? Don't worry, they'll mention it.
How can you tell if someone is a vegan?  No need, they'll tell you.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

StillAWarrior

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #29 on: July 12, 2023, 04:58:55 PM »
Quote from: tower912 on July 12, 2023, 04:55:53 PM
How can you tell if someone is a vegan?  No need, they'll tell you.

And tell you...and tell you...ad infinitum.
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Never wrestle with a pig.  You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #30 on: July 14, 2023, 06:59:36 AM »
How did Darth Vader know what Luke.got him for Christmas?


He could feel his presence.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #31 on: July 17, 2023, 05:11:05 PM »
Hey, about those recent attacks by killer whales on boats.....

Do you think they were orca-strated?
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #32 on: July 27, 2023, 02:48:12 PM »
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #33 on: August 20, 2023, 04:36:27 PM »
I decided to marry two women.

I thought it was pretty big o' me.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

Scoop Snoop

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #34 on: September 01, 2023, 10:05:28 AM »
So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra....
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Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

Dickthedribbler

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #35 on: September 01, 2023, 10:31:24 AM »
Quote from: Scoop Snoop on September 01, 2023, 10:05:28 AM
So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra....

Was that the same dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in dog?
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muwarrior69

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #36 on: September 01, 2023, 01:21:38 PM »
Quote from: Dickthedribbler on September 01, 2023, 10:31:24 AM
Was that the same dyslexic atheist who didn't believe in dog?

No, but he did name his dog OTTO and his favorite rock band is ABBA.
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Scoop Snoop

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #37 on: September 02, 2023, 12:29:46 PM »
Quote from: muwarrior69 on September 01, 2023, 01:21:38 PM
No, but he did name his dog OTTO and his favorite rock band is ABBA.

So. three termites walk into a bar and one of them asks "Is the bartender here?"

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Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

Dickthedribbler

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #38 on: September 02, 2023, 04:17:33 PM »
Quote from: Scoop Snoop on September 02, 2023, 12:29:46 PM
So. three termites walk into a bar and one of them asks "Is the bartender here?"

So, a tough looking pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says: "alright, I'll serve you guys. Just don't start anything."
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Scoop Snoop

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #39 on: September 02, 2023, 05:42:07 PM »
So, these three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. THAT can't be a coincidence.
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Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #40 on: September 06, 2023, 06:19:29 AM »
I learned how to sew buttons on and I can sew up a seam.   But I never learned how to sew socks, darn it!
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

Scoop Snoop

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #41 on: September 06, 2023, 08:32:43 AM »
Quote from: tower912 on September 06, 2023, 06:19:29 AM
I learned how to sew buttons on and I can sew up a seam.   But I never learned how to sew socks, darn it!

So?
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Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #42 on: September 09, 2023, 05:17:04 PM »
Cooking show host to contestant, 'aren't you worried about only being known for your.creamy sauces?'


No.  I am no al fredo that.




The giant goldfish are usually more social than this.   They must be feeling coy.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #43 on: September 16, 2023, 07:25:12 PM »
How is Hurricane Lee hitting New England like the latest Star Wars offering from Disney?


It is Ahsoka.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #44 on: September 24, 2023, 06:13:55 PM »
There was a lot of debate, discussion, and arguing when, deep in the mine, they found a vein of rock that, when refined, became an old school anesthetic.



It was an ether ore question.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #45 on: October 21, 2023, 07:13:46 PM »
An anonymous benefactor has been putting autumnal blossoms out all over the neighborhood.   We'll, somebody knows who is doing this but they're not talking.

Mums the word.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

Lennys Tap

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #46 on: October 21, 2023, 08:03:33 PM »
A dead man’s soul ascends into heaven. St Peter is at the gates to confirm that the deceased has led an exemplary life.

St Peter: “Your reward awaits - a special place in heaven has been prepared for you! By the way, where did you live while on earth?

Dead Man: “Naples, Florida”

St Peter: “Er, um, I’m not so sure you’re gonna like it here”
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Lennys Tap

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #47 on: October 21, 2023, 08:10:14 PM »
A singer/guitar player is entertaining a crowd at an outdoor cafe. After playing a request, he asks the customer “Where are you from?” “Naples”, replies the customer. “Ah, Naples” say the singer. “That’s where old people’s parents live!”
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tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #48 on: November 20, 2023, 02:49:07 PM »
Who was the first person to download from the cloud using a tablet?




Moses.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

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Re: Dad jokes
« Reply #49 on: December 03, 2023, 08:22:32 AM »
Why is everyone always so excited on Christmas morning?


Because there is no time like the present.
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Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.
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