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Billy Hoyle

#75
January 08, 2025, 11:18:18 AM
Quote from: tower912 on January 08, 2025, 07:59:02 AMBall joints.  Funny to say to your friends, funny to say at the dispensary.  The opposite of funny when the mechanic say it.

It's all ball bearings nowadays
"Kevin thinks 'mother' is half a word." - Mike Deane

Scoop Snoop

#76
January 08, 2025, 12:29:15 PM
Quote from: tower912 on January 08, 2025, 07:59:02 AMBall joints.  Funny to say to your friends, funny to say at the dispensary.  The opposite of funny when the mechanic say it.

You: "So how much is this going to cost?"

Mechanic: "How much ya got?"
Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

tower912

#77
January 10, 2025, 10:21:42 AM
This site is known for scoopid takes.
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

muwarrior69

#78
January 12, 2025, 06:34:09 PM
Quote from: warriorchick on November 28, 2024, 10:49:40 AMTwo antennas got married.

The wedding was ok.

But the reception was incredible.

Aw, c'mon. That is a mom joke not a dad joke.

Scoop Snoop

#79
January 15, 2025, 11:11:06 AM
Actually a true story, but I think it still fits here.

My brother kept his sailboat in a marina in Virginia Beach and in one of the neighboring slips, a guy named his boat by flipping Sinbad the Sailor. The name of his boat was Sailbad the Sinner.
Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

CTWarrior

#80
January 15, 2025, 03:58:48 PM
My brother-in-law got me with this one.  He said it was an oldie but I'd never heard it.

My back was hurting and I was walking a little funny.

BIL:  What's the matter?
ME:  I got a bad back
BIL:  I got news for you.  Your front ain't so great, either.
Calvin:  I'm a genius.  But I'm a misunderstood genius. 
Hobbes:  What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin:  Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

tower912

#81
January 18, 2025, 12:09:44 PM
How is this upcoming cold snap like a punch in the nose?


Both are going to give you black eyes (ice).
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

GoldenEagles03

#82
January 28, 2025, 02:58:24 PM
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones. The people in Abu Dhabi do.
VIOLENCE!

StillAWarrior

#83
January 29, 2025, 06:59:49 AM
On a really cold day last week a sound tech told me this when we were discussing how cold it was (as people are wont to do):


Him: On the way to work this morning I saw two crows that were actually stuck together.
Me: Really...wow.
Him: Yeah...I think they were vel-crows.
Me: Groan...I'll probably use that.
Never wrestle with a pig.  You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

tower912

#84
March 27, 2025, 06:21:50 AM
Recycling one...
Graduation season is rapidly approaching.   Get with your neighbors and make sure your extra dish-n treaties are up to date.
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

#85
April 12, 2025, 07:41:53 PM
If that smelly stuff they are going to be burning and waving around the altar during mass this Easter season causes me sinus issues, does that me incense-itive?
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

Scoop Snoop

#86
April 20, 2025, 04:20:13 PM
Son: "Dad, am I adopted?"

Dad: "Not yet. We're still trying to find someone who wants you."
Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

tower912

#87
April 21, 2025, 09:03:26 AM
Steven Wright voice.... 
I got a tattoo of Herve Villechaize.
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

tower912

#88
April 21, 2025, 11:56:39 AM
I would like to raise a glass to words that mean the same as other words.

Yes, I am making a synonym toast.
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

warriorchick

#89
April 21, 2025, 08:45:14 PM
Quote from: Scoop Snoop on January 15, 2025, 11:11:06 AMActually a true story, but I think it still fits here.

My brother kept his sailboat in a marina in Virginia Beach and in one of the neighboring slips, a guy named his boat by flipping Sinbad the Sailor. The name of his boat was Sailbad the Sinner.

Don't explain the jokes. It ruins it.

Speaking of fun boat Names, I heard about a general contractor who had a big yacht that had a dinghy tied to it. The name of the dinghy was Original Contract. The name of the yacht was Change Orders.
Have some patience, FFS.

barfolomew

#90
April 25, 2025, 12:26:41 PM
Quote from: warriorchick on April 21, 2025, 08:45:14 PMSpeaking of fun boat Names, I heard about a general contractor who had a big yacht that had a dinghy tied to it. The name of the dinghy was Original Contract. The name of the yacht was Change Orders.

A friend whose wife had minor breast augmentation surgery named his boat Sea Cups.
Relationes Incrementum Victoria

tower912

#91
May 15, 2025, 07:36:04 AM
Getting my son a Fender Stratocaster shaped like a fish for a graduation present, combining two of his favorite pastimes.

Yup, a bass guitar.
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

warriorchick

#92
May 16, 2025, 03:11:18 PM
Have some patience, FFS.

Scoop Snoop

#93
June 22, 2025, 11:04:31 AM
Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.


Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two tired.


What would bears be without bees?

Ears.

Last weekend we were at a memorial service for my nephew, who was a huge dad joke fan. In his honor, a few people repeated some of his favorite ones. Then a 9-year-old girl took the mic and told at least a dozen of her favorites before her mother told her that was enough. I think she could have easily told another 20. The kid had the perfect voice inflections and body language that had everyone laughing long and hard. She was lovin' it, and I'm sure Tower would have as well.
Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

tower912

#94
June 22, 2025, 11:25:59 AM
I appreciate anyone attempting to bring joy into the world in the face of pain.
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

Scoop Snoop

#95
June 22, 2025, 11:48:49 AM
Quote from: tower912 on June 22, 2025, 11:25:59 AMI appreciate anyone attempting to bring joy into the world in the face of pain.

What do you get when you cross a pig with a hen?

Bacon and eggs.
Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.

Scoop Snoop

#96
July 05, 2025, 09:32:52 AM
Sadly, the inventor of throat lozengers has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral.
Wild horses couldn't drag me into either political party, but for very different reasons.

"All of our answers are unencumbered by the thought process." NPR's Click and Clack of Car Talk.
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