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Author Topic: Coronavirus humor (non political)  (Read 35098 times)

pbiflyer

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Coronavirus humor (non political)
« on: April 05, 2020, 08:15:50 PM »
We could all use an occasional laugh.  Post your funniest.

« Last Edit: April 06, 2020, 08:46:38 AM by mu_hilltopper »

StateStreetMission

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2020, 06:32:23 PM »
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles,
she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"
 
 
 
Enjoy your « afternoon lockdown »

pbiflyer

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2020, 09:37:42 PM »

Eldon

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2020, 08:22:23 AM »

pbiflyer

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2020, 12:21:43 PM »
« Last Edit: April 07, 2020, 04:46:40 PM by mu_hilltopper »

muwarrior69

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2020, 07:25:40 PM »
What is worse than the coronavirus?

Cabin Fever.

Spotcheck Billy

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2020, 07:43:49 AM »
nm

MU Fan in Connecticut

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2020, 09:54:02 AM »
Keith is impervious to everything.

When restaurants are open, you can always see the Richards family out to eat in Weston, CT.

Spotcheck Billy

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2020, 10:47:31 AM »
.

tower912

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2020, 11:49:39 AM »
That freshman girl I knew who caught Covid?...

I won't be held responsible

She was touching her face.
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

HouWarrior

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2020, 03:02:25 PM »
Keith is impervious to everything.

When restaurants are open, you can always see the Richards family out to eat in Weston, CT.

Kieth cannot be killed by conventional weapons....

https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-trp-001&hsimp=yhs-001&hspart=trp&p=waynes+world+kieth+richards+line#id=1&vid=5b2cfa0edb53095343156ebf978365c2&action=click
« Last Edit: April 08, 2020, 03:08:26 PM by houwarrior »
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

mu_hilltopper

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #11 on: April 10, 2020, 08:20:55 PM »
Somewhat related .. Pat McCurdy hosts a live concert from his living room.

It's on right now:

https://www.facebook.com/HeyPaddy/videos/228762061679769/

tower912

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2020, 10:46:56 AM »
So... more quarantine babies or quarantine divorces?
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

Archies Bat

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Hards Alumni

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2020, 12:50:15 PM »

MU Fan in Connecticut

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🏀

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #16 on: April 11, 2020, 08:46:56 PM »
So... more quarantine babies or quarantine divorces?

I got a 6 year old girl and a 3 year old boy looking for a good home.

They could go as a pair, but honestly I could careless at this point.

Hards Alumni

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2020, 11:01:41 AM »

Spotcheck Billy

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #18 on: April 14, 2020, 01:55:35 PM »

Spotcheck Billy

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #19 on: April 14, 2020, 03:12:14 PM »
Yoko Ono Sings on City Streets to Ensure NY Residents Stay Inside
https://madhousemagazine.com/yoko-ono-sings-on-city-streets-to-ensure-ny-residents-stay-inside/.

At the urging of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, Yoko Ono has agreed to sing, to keep residents off of city streets.
Governor Cuomo stated “Yoko will be used strategically wherever and whenever a crowd forms. Just today we deployed Ms. Ono to Crown Heights, Brooklyn, where a wedding was taking place. There were 300 guests congregating and within 3 minutes, the streets were completely empty. It was a sight to see, those people were running through the streets and jumping out of windows to escape the horrific screeching.”

No one will know where or when Yoko will pop up and begin her screaming and caterwauling. For extreme cases, Yoko will perform her latest single, “Ear Splitter”. “I call that song the ‘H’ bomb”, said Cuomo. “It’s actually a little cruel, but extreme times call for extreme measures.”

Yoko Ono music was used on prisoners at Guantanamo Bay until Amnesty International declared it to be a form of war crimes and it was outlawed. Yoko said she got her sound inspiration when she was a little girl. “I saw a cat get run over by a car once and I just thought it was the most beautiful sound. I have been trying to emulate it ever since.”

The Hippie Satan of Hyperbole

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #20 on: April 14, 2020, 03:18:58 PM »
Yoko Ono Sings on City Streets to Ensure NY Residents Stay Inside
https://madhousemagazine.com/yoko-ono-sings-on-city-streets-to-ensure-ny-residents-stay-inside/.

At the urging of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, Yoko Ono has agreed to sing, to keep residents off of city streets.
Governor Cuomo stated “Yoko will be used strategically wherever and whenever a crowd forms. Just today we deployed Ms. Ono to Crown Heights, Brooklyn, where a wedding was taking place. There were 300 guests congregating and within 3 minutes, the streets were completely empty. It was a sight to see, those people were running through the streets and jumping out of windows to escape the horrific screeching.”

No one will know where or when Yoko will pop up and begin her screaming and caterwauling. For extreme cases, Yoko will perform her latest single, “Ear Splitter”. “I call that song the ‘H’ bomb”, said Cuomo. “It’s actually a little cruel, but extreme times call for extreme measures.”

Yoko Ono music was used on prisoners at Guantanamo Bay until Amnesty International declared it to be a form of war crimes and it was outlawed. Yoko said she got her sound inspiration when she was a little girl. “I saw a cat get run over by a car once and I just thought it was the most beautiful sound. I have been trying to emulate it ever since.”



That joke would have last been funny 30 years ago.
“True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.” - Clarence Darrow

Spotcheck Billy

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #21 on: April 14, 2020, 04:22:49 PM »

That joke would have last been funny 30 years ago.

Very true, I don't write 'em, just posting 'em

How about Usain Bolt's social distancing?

rocky_warrior

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #22 on: April 15, 2020, 03:47:10 PM »

StillAWarrior

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #23 on: April 15, 2020, 03:49:31 PM »


Seems legit...doesn't say where to send the $50, though.
Never wrestle with a pig.  You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

pbiflyer

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Re: Coronavirus humor (non political)
« Reply #24 on: April 15, 2020, 04:06:29 PM »