Do You Know Your Neighbors?

[Spotcheck Billy]

We live on a fairly busy street do don't really have many folks walking about (no sidewalks either). We also have a unique driveway that is partially shared with a next door neighbor so we've always been on great terms with whomever has lived there (3 families in the last 25+ years).

My other next door neighbor has lived there since we moved in and is a complete jerk most of the time so we avoid him although his wife is very nice and we get along fine.

I have a neighbor across the street that is very nice and often comes over to help in the yard or loan tools and we will have him over for dinner now that his wife passed away.

A funny thing is, I have met many people that when they hear where I live tell me they grew up right next door/across the street etc.

[MomofMUltiples]

I do think it's harder to get to know your neighbors these days.  When I was younger, most of the moms in our neighborhood were homemakers and the kids went to the neighborhood school together and were home all summer.  Our moms got together daily for coffee and our summers were just one big episode of neighborhood games.  Now, things are very different.  More two-worker families, magnet schools, and kids who are more scheduled and don't have time for casual interactions - and living in the North, sometimes you don't see your neighbors all winter.  About 15 years ago, we were the first family to move into a neighborhood that was undergoing transition - so the youngest kid in the neighborhood was about 10 years older than my oldest kid.  By the time we moved out 3 years ago, my youngest kids were in college and the neighborhood was crawling with 2-10 year olds.  We never saw our neighbors at school events or other places, and I only knew a few of them by name.

In our new neighborhood, there is much more opportunity for us to interact with our neighbors.  St. Louis Park gives each neighborhood association a certain amount of money each year (I think around $2000) to sponsor neighborhood events - so we have lots of things like progressive dinners, movies in the park, neighborhood night out with live music, etc.  Last year we did a huge landscaping project and put in a big outdoor kitchen and a fire rock and surrounded our hot tub with a deck.  So now when the weather is good we tend to be gathering place for our near neighbors and we have pot lucks on Friday nights in the summer.  I would say I know these neighbors much better than the ones in my two previous neighborhoods.  I like it much better this way.

[dgies9156]

dg - your northern neighbors seem like total pr#cks. I would have moved in a heartbeat.

It was a lot harder on my wife than it was on me. She is a freelancer who has worked from home for more than 10 years. Nobody in our neighborhood had any idea of the conditions from which our children came (abandoned in orphanages in the former Soviet Union) or the challenges they and we had to overcome. They whispered about my wife's mothering ability and thought our children would be more successful if she was more like them.

There is good news on two fronts. First, one of my children just received her BA last Saturday, having learned to learn even with a serious learning issue (Dean's List her senior year). Second, our community in Florida is wonderful. My wife has found more friends since we began living there in the winter two years ago (I work remotely from December to May) and more social activities not involving MU basketball than she found in more than three decades living in the Midwest.

The only downside to Florida is that it's a long way to a Warrior basketball game.

[MomofMUltiples]

Dgies - Congrats on your daughter's graduation.  Having raised a child who had mental illness, I can sympathize with what your wife went through.  I'm glad you found a better landing spot.

[dgies9156]

Dgies - Congrats on your daughter's graduation.  Having raised a child who had mental illness, I can sympathize with what your wife went through.  I'm glad you found a better landing spot.

Thank you. My daughter is going to do very well in her life and we're incredibly proud! She's about a tough as they come.

It really can be hard and I can feel for what you faced.

Thank you again!

[mu03eng]

I do think it's harder to get to know your neighbors these days.  When I was younger, most of the moms in our neighborhood were homemakers and the kids went to the neighborhood school together and were home all summer.  Our moms got together daily for coffee and our summers were just one big episode of neighborhood games.  Now, things are very different.  More two-worker families, magnet schools, and kids who are more scheduled and don't have time for casual interactions - and living in the North, sometimes you don't see your neighbors all winter.  About 15 years ago, we were the first family to move into a neighborhood that was undergoing transition - so the youngest kid in the neighborhood was about 10 years older than my oldest kid.  By the time we moved out 3 years ago, my youngest kids were in college and the neighborhood was crawling with 2-10 year olds.  We never saw our neighbors at school events or other places, and I only knew a few of them by name.

The bolded is something I worry about with my son. Kids are so damn structured today that I feel that they don't learn how to adapt and interact with new people independently. Not to go all "back in my day it was better" but I remember very fondly in my childhood meeting new kids in the neighborhood all the time and all the outdoor exploring and pick-up games that happened. Hell, in the summer I was usually gone from 9 in the morning until at least 8 at night playing games or riding bikes or swimming at the local pool, etc unless we decided to stop by our house to make my mom feed us all for lunch/dinner. I'm sure the neighborhood moms knew where we were and were reporting in to each other but unless we needed to get taken somewhere I'm not sure my parents knew where I was at any given point.

Maybe now is better with all the risks out there but learning to figure it out on my own was really formative for me.

[naginiF]

Side note, if you aren't following Best of NextDoor on twitter, you are really missing out. And if you don't know what NextDoor is, I'm not sure how you found your way to the internet and/or this particular thread.

You sir, are a true hero.  Thank you for bringing this to me - our NextDoor is crazy and i didn't know i needed more, but i do.

The bolded is something I worry about with my son. Kids are so damn structured today that I feel that they don't learn how to adapt and interact with new people independently.

One thing that has helped our kids out in this regard is we purposely put them on sports teams that have kids from different schools.  We have a crap public school system so every kid in our neighborhood goes to one of 9(ish) private schools.  Their baseball teams are comprised of a mix of those schools so they have neighborhood friends that bring together different schools.  Their basketball teams are city league teams so they have friends from different areas.  As a result they have friends from a vast social spectrum. 

to the OP - we are friendly but not close to our immediate neighbors no block parties or dinner parties.  i even have a Marquette grad across the street, who graduated 5 years before me, and we've NEVER watched a game together.  I really like him and his wife but we don't have much in common - they are on their second marriage with kids out of college and our oldest is in 5th.

[Billy Hoyle]

A few. Mainly we know the dogs and their people ("hey, it's Wilson and his owner, Mike"). Once met MU grad in the building.....15 years younger. Couldn’t identify her now.  We once knew one neighbor but she moved and have no idea who the new person is. Just the way it is these days.

[DegenerateDish]

We bought new construction in ‘05, about half the neighborhood has turned over, 90% of our neighbors are almost exactly the same family make up as us (3 kids, between ages 9 and 3). 4 kids on our street of 14 homes share April 7 as their birthday (my twins included). Oddly, all (except my twins) are a year apart.

There’s one older couple (mid 70’s) that live on our block. The woman walks her dog past our house every day, and if my wife or I see her, we say hi. The husband is rarely seen. About 5 years ago on Halloween, the older woman was walking alone outside, my wife asked her if she was going to be giving out candy, and she said “probably not, it’s too hard since he just died”. We went to a neighborhood Halloween party that night, and my wife was telling everyone that the older ladies husband had died. The neighbors immediately adjacent to the older couples house were shocked “we just saw him yesterday!”. My wife said “we’ll, he’s dead”.

Next day my wife gets a text from two different neighbors  “we just saw her husband getting mail, he’s very much alive”. It turned out the dog had died. Ever since I call him Lazarus when my wife and I see him, and I make fun of her for trying to off our elderly neighbor. He’s still to this day very much alive.

[WarriorDad]

Some of our neighbors we know very well, others just a wave if we see them.  Our next door neighbor died a number of years ago, good man.  The family that moved in is nice, but quiet and keep to themselves.  Folks across the street we are close with for 15 years.

[WarriorFan]

I live in an apartment block.  We know our next door neighbors who are apparently unemployed and going broke and on the monthly "name and shame" list for not paying bills, and the other apartment on our floor which is a single lady who leaves the apartment at 9pm every evening all dressed up and full of perfume and gets dropped off early morning.  Her "Uncle" visits occasionally.  Oh, and the families above and below who wake us up in the middle of the night on weekends with 1000 decibel gaming and drunken fights.

Sometimes it's better not to know your neighbors...

[Jay Bee]

Hooking up with neighbors can be good & bad. Awkward riding the elevator with a chick, and in steps a young tender from floor 21 that you hooked up with a few days ago.

ZFB has dated several men within his trailer park

[jsglow]

The bolded is something I worry about with my son. Kids are so damn structured today that I feel that they don't learn how to adapt and interact with new people independently. Not to go all "back in my day it was better" but I remember very fondly in my childhood meeting new kids in the neighborhood all the time and all the outdoor exploring and pick-up games that happened. Hell, in the summer I was usually gone from 9 in the morning until at least 8 at night playing games or riding bikes or swimming at the local pool, etc unless we decided to stop by our house to make my mom feed us all for lunch/dinner. I'm sure the neighborhood moms knew where we were and were reporting in to each other but unless we needed to get taken somewhere I'm not sure my parents knew where I was at any given point.

Maybe now is better with all the risks out there but learning to figure it out on my own was really formative for me.

It's true Eng.  Around 5:30p every evening my dad would walk about 20 yards from the front door to the corner of the schoolyard and holler 'SUPPER!'  Also, when I was a kid everything cool was outside.  Now it's the opposite.  Work hard to make #nored as independent as possible.

[StillAWarrior]

There’s one older couple (mid 70’s) that live on our block. The woman walks her dog past our house every day, and if my wife or I see her, we say hi. The husband is rarely seen. About 5 years ago on Halloween, the older woman was walking alone outside, my wife asked her if she was going to be giving out candy, and she said “probably not, it’s too hard since he just died”. We went to a neighborhood Halloween party that night, and my wife was telling everyone that the older ladies husband had died. The neighbors immediately adjacent to the older couples house were shocked “we just saw him yesterday!”. My wife said “we’ll, he’s dead”.

Next day my wife gets a text from two different neighbors  “we just saw her husband getting mail, he’s very much alive”. It turned out the dog had died. Ever since I call him Lazarus when my wife and I see him, and I make fun of her for trying to off our elderly neighbor. He’s still to this day very much alive.

Our neighbor to the south passed away a couple of winters ago, and nobody in the neighborhood knew.  We often went months without seeing him -- particularly in the winter -- so nobody noticed his absence.  Unfortunately, his widow never said anything and nobody realized.

[ZiggysFryBoy]

Our neighbor to the south passed away a couple of winters ago, and nobody in the neighborhood knew.  We often went months without seeing him -- particularly in the winter -- so nobody noticed his absence.  Unfortunately, his widow never said anything and nobody realized.

the smell of the cadaver wasn't a giveaway?

[mu_hilltopper]

I imagine this also depends on gender.

We've lived on our block of 40 homes for 20 years now, all 40' apart.

I could name ~20 people on the block.  My wife could name 100. 

[Jay Bee]

I imagine this also depends on gender.

We've lived on our block of 40 homes for 20 years now, all 40' apart.

I could name ~20 people on the block.  My wife could name 100.

We all da same @1na? #Becky2GNBA

[4everwarriors]

Eye don't wanna name drop da folks 'round me. Respect da privacy, hey?

[Juan Anderson's Mixtape]

I imagine this also depends on gender.

We've lived on our block of 40 homes for 20 years now, all 40' apart.

I could name ~20 people on the block.  My wife could name 100.

It's personality driven, not gender specific.  My Dad is the kind of person who knows everybody in town while my Mom hardly knows anybody.

[JWags85]

Even more weird when you live in a small subdivision.  My parents moved into a new house about a decade ago.  Its only 9 lots, all about an acre and a half on a drive leading to a cul de sac.  Being as it was all developed and built by the same builder, there is a homeowners association and semi annual get togethers.

 The cul de sac in the back has 6 lots, one of which remains empty, and the one of the houses is the builder's elderly parents who reside in Arizona probably 9 months a year.  So there are 4 houses back there including my parents.

All 3 of the other remaining 4 houses are doctors at various North Shore MKE hospitals.  My parents were very friendly with the neighbors at the house next to theirs and have dinner probably quarterly with another of the families. 

The other family is the most bizarrely anti-social group Ive ever seen.  The doctor will jog in the morning and literally looks the other way if you drive by.  His wife walks their golden lab, who is one of the friendliest animals ive ever seen, each morning off leash and when Sunny runs up to say hi, there's maybe a 20% chance she slows and says good morning, usually just cruises along by.  Keeping to yourself is one thing, but you built a 1MM+ home, new construction.  If you hated interacting with people so much, surely you could have found some land where you didn't have to be bothered.

Very odd for my parents coming from our previous neighborhood where neighbors kids would literally play on each others swingsets, even if your kids weren't out or home, cause permission had been granted previously and yards became one big connected playzone each summer.

[WarriorDad]

It's personality driven, not gender specific.  My Dad is the kind of person who knows everybody in town while my Mom hardly knows anybody.

^^^^  This right here.  This is the correct answer ^^^^^

[JamilJaeJamailJrJuan]

I bought a house like 2 years ago and in a pretty typical 1950s era development.  House on either side of me, and another that backs up to my backyard. 

I've met the people on either side, but one family is in their late 30s/early 40s with 2 middle school aged kids.  Nice people, but we have literally nothing in common, in addition the 10-15 year age gap.

When we first moved in, the couple on the other side were preparing to put their house for sale.  It sold in 1 day and they moved within 3 weeks of us moving in.  It's too bad, because they seemed like people my fiance and I would get along great with.  Unfortunately the couple that bought that house is very bizarre and we've had very little interaction since they first moved in. They live action Harry Potter role playing the backyard....

A middle aged women lives in the house behind me.  Found out its actually her parents house who moved back out to the country a decade or s oago.  Had a nice chat with the old man one weekend when he was in town - he was telling me about the original owner of my house.  I've only seen the women who lives there a handful of times 2 years. 

Love my house and location, but definitely wish the neighbors were fun people to hang with.

[ZiggysFryBoy]

I bought a house like 2 years ago and in a pretty typical 1950s era development.  House on either side of me, and another that backs up to my backyard. 

I've met the people on either side, but one family is in their late 30s/early 40s with 2 middle school aged kids.  Nice people, but we have literally nothing in common, in addition the 10-15 year age gap.

When we first moved in, the couple on the other side were preparing to put their house for sale.  It sold in 1 day and they moved within 3 weeks of us moving in.  It's too bad, because they seemed like people my fiance and I would get along great with.  Unfortunately the couple that bought that house is very bizarre and we've had very little interaction since they first moved in. They live action Harry Potter role playing the backyard....

A middle aged women lives in the house behind me.  Found out its actually her parents house who moved back out to the country a decade or s oago.  Had a nice chat with the old man one weekend when he was in town - he was telling me about the original owner of my house.  I've only seen the women who lives there a handful of times 2 years. 

Love my house and location, but definitely wish the neighbors were fun people to hang with.

eat some shrooms and go play Voldemort.  you old stick in the mud.

[JamilJaeJamailJrJuan]

eat some shrooms and go play Voldemort.  you old stick in the mud.

That'd probably would it would take to get me LARPing in my backyard. 

[StillAWarrior]

It took a while because both girls have busy and conflicting schedules, but the neighbor girl came over last night.  Yeah...it's pretty clear we're going to be seeing a lot of her.