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Author Topic: Rodent Jokes  (Read 23863 times)

shaquilvaine

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Rodent Jokes
« on: December 04, 2007, 08:28:44 PM »
Q: What is the difference between a Badger fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Q: What has two brain-cells and wears red and white?
A: A pregnant Badgers cheerleader.

Q: What's the hardest part about being a Wisconsin Badger fan?
A: Telling your parents that you are gay.

Q: What's the difference between a bucket of sh*t and a badger fan?
A: The bucket

Q: What is the thinnest part on a Badger cheerleader?
A: The spandex holding in her shoulder rolls.

Lets go Warriors!

downtown85

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2007, 07:49:59 AM »
Q: Why is the university administration considering putting in artificial turf in Camp Randall Stadium?

A: To stop the cheerleaders from grazing. 

mhendrick

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2007, 09:22:31 AM »
Q: Why did the badger cross the road?

A: It was happy hour at the gay bar

jutaw22mu

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2007, 09:27:43 AM »
wow these are pretty bad.  ill add one.

Bo Ryan is curious how Marquette beat Duke last year, so he decides on a visit to Milwaukee to see how Tom Crean coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Crean how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Ryan wants an example, so Crean asks Dominic James to come over to the sidelines. He asks: 'Dominic, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', DJ answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Crean says to Ryan. Bo Ryan, who wants to beat Duke also, decides to bring this into Wisconsin's practice the next day. He calls Brian Butch over to the sidelines. 'Brian, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is Butch's reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?' Ryan explains it has to do with some national coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Butch decides to call Devin Harris. He has played in the NBA, maybe he knows something about these national coaching methods. 'Devin, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Devin Harris. So the next day Brian walks full of confidence to Bo. Ryan asks: 'Brian, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Devin Harris?' Ryan answers: 'No of course not you stupid b*****d. It's Dominic James!"
« Last Edit: December 05, 2007, 09:44:31 AM by jutaw22mu »

jutaw22mu

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2007, 09:42:48 AM »
The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Wisconsin" is good enough to beat Marquette!"  Snow White says "Well at least  Dopey's alive!"


Q: How can you tell ET is a Bucky fan?
A: Because he looks like one


A Wisconsin fan goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor.


Four surgeons are having a coffee break. The first one says "I like operating on accountants best because everything inside is numbered."
The second one says "Nah, I like librarians. Everything inside them is always in alphabetical order."
Third one says "Electricians, they're the best. Everything in them is colour coded."
The fourth one says "I prefer Wisconsin fans. They're gutless, heartless spineless, and their heads and backsides are interchangeable"


Snow White, Arnold Schwazennegger and Quasimodo are having a conversation. Snow White says "Everybody tells me I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on, but how do I know?" Arnie says "I know what you mean. Everybody tells me I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived, but how do I know?" Quasimodo says "Yes. Everybody tells me I am the most disgusting, despicable, grotesque creature that has ever roamed the earth, but how do I know?" Snow White says "Let's go and see the wise man!" So off they go. Snow White goes in first and five minutes later she comes out and says: "It's true. I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on." Arnie goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: "It's true. I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived." Quasimodo goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: "Who's this Bo Ryan character then?"
« Last Edit: December 05, 2007, 09:45:06 AM by jutaw22mu »

jutaw22mu

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2007, 09:53:21 AM »
Q: What do you call a Wisconsin student athlete in a suit?
A: The accused

Q:  If you see a Wisconsin athlete on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A:  It might be your bike...


Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of University of Wisconsin basketball players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.


Three old collge basketball fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Marquette next win the National Championship?". God Replies, "In the next five years"
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will UWM next win the Horizon League?".
The Good Lord answers, "In the next ten years".
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Wisconsin win the National Championship?". God Answers, "I will be dead by then!"

jutaw22mu

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2007, 10:08:05 AM »
Q:  What's the difference between Bo Ryan and God?
A:  God doesn't think he's Bo Ryan


A visiting fan turned up at the MU-UW game at the Bradley Center last year and was told that seats were $16, $20 and $35, and programs $2.

'OK,' he said cheerfully, 'I'll sit on a program!'


There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a Wisconsin joke.
Suddenly a man in the back of the bus said, "No, don`t do that. I`m a Wisconsin alum."
The guide looked at him and said, "That`s okay. We`ll explain it to you afterwards."


Q:  What do you say to a Badger alum with a job?
A:  "Can I have a Big Mac!"

Q) What has 5,000 arms and an IQ of 170?
A) The Kohl Center student section on gameday.

Q: How many UWM fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows

Two guys take a wrong turn off the I-94, and unfortunately lose their bearings completely, but don't come across any road signs to give them a clue as to where they are. They're just beginning to lose hope of finding out where they are when one of them has a bright idea.... He sticks his arm out of the window as they're travelling along, and a few seconds later pulls it back in.
He turns to his friend and says "We're in Madison".
"How do you know"? Replies his friend
"I've just had my watch stolen."
« Last Edit: December 05, 2007, 03:12:12 PM by jutaw22mu »

jutaw22mu

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2007, 10:19:07 AM »
A MU grad student used to amuse himself by running over every Bucky fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their crappy old red and white shirts. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw Father Wild hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Father Wild "where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to say mass at Gesu," he replied.

"No problem Father. I'll give you a lift. Climb in!" The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Badger fan decked out in red walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered Father Wild was with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the chump.

However even though he was certain he missed him, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Badger fan."

"That's okay," replied the Father Wild. "I got the idiot with the door!"

jutaw22mu

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2007, 10:53:41 AM »
Q: How could you kill a Wisconsin fan when he's drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.


Q:  Whats the difference between a hedgehog and the Bucky team bus?
A:  The Bucky team bus has more pricks.


Q:  How many UWM fans does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A:  Both of them.


Q:  Why do seagulls fly upside down in Madison?
A:  Nothing worth crapting on.


Q:  What do you get when you offer a Bucky fan a penny for his thoughts?
A:  Change


A burglary was recently committed at the Kohl Center and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.  The police are looking for a man with a red and white carpet.


Q:  What do you have when a Bucky fan is buried up to his neck in sand?
A:  Not enough sand.


Judge: Now, son, which parent do you want to have custody over you? Do you wanna live with your mother?
Child: No, your honour, she hits me all the time when I'm naughty
Judge: Well how about your father?
Child: No they both beat me together!
Judge: I see, what about living at UW-Milwaukee?
Child: That's fine, they never beat anyone!


Q:  Whats red and white and funny?
A:  A bus load of Badger fans going over a cliff.


A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a Wisconsin fan was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that mindless moron gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"


Q: What is the difference between a man with no tongue and an Badger fan?
A: The man with no tongue has better taste.



« Last Edit: December 05, 2007, 10:55:15 AM by jutaw22mu »

TallTitan34

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2007, 10:57:47 AM »
One foggy night, Bo Ryan was heading east from Madison and Tom Crean was driving west from Milwaukee. While crossing a narrow bridge on a side street off of I-94, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

Crean manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage.  He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"  Likewise, Bo Ryan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

Bo Ryan walks over to Crean and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

Crean thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

Crean then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to Bo, "I think this is another sign- we should toast to our newfound friendship."  Bo agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, he hands it back to Crean and says, "Your turn!"

Tom calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Marquette Overload: http://www.muoverload.com

Wade for President

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #10 on: December 05, 2007, 11:28:25 AM »
How do you get a Wisconsin grad off your front door step?

Pay him for the pizza

MUfan12

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #11 on: December 05, 2007, 01:34:32 PM »
Q: Why don't they celebrate Christmas in Madison?
A: You can't find a virgin and three wise men.

shaquilvaine

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #12 on: December 05, 2007, 03:05:45 PM »
Q: What is the difference between a UW@madison coed and an elephant?
A: 50 pounds

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Feed the elephant

Q: Why do Wisconsin fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why don't badger fans let their kids play in the sandbox?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

NateDoggMarq

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #13 on: December 05, 2007, 09:02:58 PM »
Brian Butch was in 4th grade when a lot of his classmates made fun of his deep voice.
When young Brian got home he asked his dad.  "Is my voice so deep because I am tall"
his dad said "No son because your 16"



MUCrew

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #14 on: December 06, 2007, 09:33:12 AM »
Q: What is the difference between a UW@madison coed and an elephant?
A: 50 pounds

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Feed the elephant

Hilarious!  I was eating and nearly choked.  Thanks!

MUfan12

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2008, 01:41:17 PM »
UW-Madison: Paying tribute to the 1942 NCAA Champions by still playing at the same speed.

UW-Madison's new logo:

« Last Edit: December 03, 2008, 04:16:29 PM by MUfan12 »

Hards_Alumni

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2008, 03:57:49 PM »
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.

JSwarriors08

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2008, 04:25:57 PM »
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.

Dude, come on.  Unbelievable.

TallTitan34

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2008, 04:36:18 PM »
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.

For real?  Live a little!
Marquette Overload: http://www.muoverload.com

RawdogDX

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2008, 04:39:14 PM »
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.

only fitting you'd be part of it then.  I smell a closet badger fan.  Let me guess, you "only root for them in football"

mosarsour

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #20 on: December 03, 2008, 04:39:49 PM »
Q: What is the difference between a UW@madison coed and an elephant?
A: 50 pounds

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Feed the elephant


BEST.
JOKE.
EVER.

ZiggysFryBoy

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #21 on: December 03, 2008, 05:25:19 PM »
not a joke, but it's funny.  Bo Ryan is the spokesman for Hospice care in Madison.  He must fit the demographic pretty well.....
"My butt's been wiped!"

IAmMarquette

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #22 on: December 03, 2008, 05:36:50 PM »
not a joke, but it's funny.  Bo Ryan is the spokesman for Hospice care in Madison.  He must fit the demographic pretty well.....

He also has an endorsement deal with a handful of Buick dealers in the state.

ZiggysFryBoy

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #23 on: December 03, 2008, 05:46:07 PM »
He also has an endorsement deal with a handful of Buick dealers in the state.

Rumor has it that his agent is working on a deal with the scooter store next.
"My butt's been wiped!"

Pakuni

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Re: Rodent Jokes
« Reply #24 on: December 03, 2008, 05:54:08 PM »
He also has an endorsement deal with a handful of Buick dealers in the state.

Would you buy anything this man endorses?
Then again, he does have the car salesman's wardrobe down pat.