MUScoop

MUScoop => Hangin' at the Al => Topic started by: shaquilvaine on December 04, 2007, 08:28:44 PM

Title: Rodent Jokes
Post by: shaquilvaine on December 04, 2007, 08:28:44 PM
Q: What is the difference between a Badger fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Q: What has two brain-cells and wears red and white?
A: A pregnant Badgers cheerleader.

Q: What's the hardest part about being a Wisconsin Badger fan?
A: Telling your parents that you are gay.

Q: What's the difference between a bucket of sh*t and a badger fan?
A: The bucket

Q: What is the thinnest part on a Badger cheerleader?
A: The spandex holding in her shoulder rolls.

Lets go Warriors!
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: downtown85 on December 05, 2007, 07:49:59 AM
Q: Why is the university administration considering putting in artificial turf in Camp Randall Stadium?

A: To stop the cheerleaders from grazing. 
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: mhendrick on December 05, 2007, 09:22:31 AM
Q: Why did the badger cross the road?

A: It was happy hour at the gay bar
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: jutaw22mu on December 05, 2007, 09:27:43 AM
wow these are pretty bad.  ill add one.

Bo Ryan is curious how Marquette beat Duke last year, so he decides on a visit to Milwaukee to see how Tom Crean coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Crean how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Ryan wants an example, so Crean asks Dominic James to come over to the sidelines. He asks: 'Dominic, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', DJ answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Crean says to Ryan. Bo Ryan, who wants to beat Duke also, decides to bring this into Wisconsin's practice the next day. He calls Brian Butch over to the sidelines. 'Brian, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is Butch's reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?' Ryan explains it has to do with some national coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Butch decides to call Devin Harris. He has played in the NBA, maybe he knows something about these national coaching methods. 'Devin, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Devin Harris. So the next day Brian walks full of confidence to Bo. Ryan asks: 'Brian, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Devin Harris?' Ryan answers: 'No of course not you stupid b*****d. It's Dominic James!"
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: jutaw22mu on December 05, 2007, 09:42:48 AM
The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Wisconsin" is good enough to beat Marquette!"  Snow White says "Well at least  Dopey's alive!"


Q: How can you tell ET is a Bucky fan?
A: Because he looks like one


A Wisconsin fan goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him.
"Your problem is you're fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you're ugly too" replies the doctor.


Four surgeons are having a coffee break. The first one says "I like operating on accountants best because everything inside is numbered."
The second one says "Nah, I like librarians. Everything inside them is always in alphabetical order."
Third one says "Electricians, they're the best. Everything in them is colour coded."
The fourth one says "I prefer Wisconsin fans. They're gutless, heartless spineless, and their heads and backsides are interchangeable"


Snow White, Arnold Schwazennegger and Quasimodo are having a conversation. Snow White says "Everybody tells me I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on, but how do I know?" Arnie says "I know what you mean. Everybody tells me I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived, but how do I know?" Quasimodo says "Yes. Everybody tells me I am the most disgusting, despicable, grotesque creature that has ever roamed the earth, but how do I know?" Snow White says "Let's go and see the wise man!" So off they go. Snow White goes in first and five minutes later she comes out and says: "It's true. I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on." Arnie goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: "It's true. I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived." Quasimodo goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: "Who's this Bo Ryan character then?"
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: jutaw22mu on December 05, 2007, 09:53:21 AM
Q: What do you call a Wisconsin student athlete in a suit?
A: The accused

Q:  If you see a Wisconsin athlete on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A:  It might be your bike...


Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of University of Wisconsin basketball players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.


Three old collge basketball fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Marquette next win the National Championship?". God Replies, "In the next five years"
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will UWM next win the Horizon League?".
The Good Lord answers, "In the next ten years".
"But I'll be dead by then", says the man.
The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Wisconsin win the National Championship?". God Answers, "I will be dead by then!"
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: jutaw22mu on December 05, 2007, 10:08:05 AM
Q:  What's the difference between Bo Ryan and God?
A:  God doesn't think he's Bo Ryan


A visiting fan turned up at the MU-UW game at the Bradley Center last year and was told that seats were $16, $20 and $35, and programs $2.

'OK,' he said cheerfully, 'I'll sit on a program!'


There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a Wisconsin joke.
Suddenly a man in the back of the bus said, "No, don`t do that. I`m a Wisconsin alum."
The guide looked at him and said, "That`s okay. We`ll explain it to you afterwards."


Q:  What do you say to a Badger alum with a job?
A:  "Can I have a Big Mac!"

Q) What has 5,000 arms and an IQ of 170?
A) The Kohl Center student section on gameday.

Q: How many UWM fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows

Two guys take a wrong turn off the I-94, and unfortunately lose their bearings completely, but don't come across any road signs to give them a clue as to where they are. They're just beginning to lose hope of finding out where they are when one of them has a bright idea.... He sticks his arm out of the window as they're travelling along, and a few seconds later pulls it back in.
He turns to his friend and says "We're in Madison".
"How do you know"? Replies his friend
"I've just had my watch stolen."
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: jutaw22mu on December 05, 2007, 10:19:07 AM
A MU grad student used to amuse himself by running over every Bucky fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their crappy old red and white shirts. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw Father Wild hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Father Wild "where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to say mass at Gesu," he replied.

"No problem Father. I'll give you a lift. Climb in!" The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Badger fan decked out in red walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered Father Wild was with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the chump.

However even though he was certain he missed him, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Badger fan."

"That's okay," replied the Father Wild. "I got the idiot with the door!"
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: jutaw22mu on December 05, 2007, 10:53:41 AM
Q: How could you kill a Wisconsin fan when he's drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.


Q:  Whats the difference between a hedgehog and the Bucky team bus?
A:  The Bucky team bus has more pricks.


Q:  How many UWM fans does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A:  Both of them.


Q:  Why do seagulls fly upside down in Madison?
A:  Nothing worth crapting on.


Q:  What do you get when you offer a Bucky fan a penny for his thoughts?
A:  Change


A burglary was recently committed at the Kohl Center and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.  The police are looking for a man with a red and white carpet.


Q:  What do you have when a Bucky fan is buried up to his neck in sand?
A:  Not enough sand.


Judge: Now, son, which parent do you want to have custody over you? Do you wanna live with your mother?
Child: No, your honour, she hits me all the time when I'm naughty
Judge: Well how about your father?
Child: No they both beat me together!
Judge: I see, what about living at UW-Milwaukee?
Child: That's fine, they never beat anyone!


Q:  Whats red and white and funny?
A:  A bus load of Badger fans going over a cliff.


A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a Wisconsin fan was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that mindless moron gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"


Q: What is the difference between a man with no tongue and an Badger fan?
A: The man with no tongue has better taste.



Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: TallTitan34 on December 05, 2007, 10:57:47 AM
One foggy night, Bo Ryan was heading east from Madison and Tom Crean was driving west from Milwaukee. While crossing a narrow bridge on a side street off of I-94, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

Crean manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage.  He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"  Likewise, Bo Ryan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

Bo Ryan walks over to Crean and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

Crean thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

Crean then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to Bo, "I think this is another sign- we should toast to our newfound friendship."  Bo agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, he hands it back to Crean and says, "Your turn!"

Tom calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Wade for President on December 05, 2007, 11:28:25 AM
How do you get a Wisconsin grad off your front door step?

Pay him for the pizza
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: MUfan12 on December 05, 2007, 01:34:32 PM
Q: Why don't they celebrate Christmas in Madison?
A: You can't find a virgin and three wise men.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: shaquilvaine on December 05, 2007, 03:05:45 PM
Q: What is the difference between a UW@madison coed and an elephant?
A: 50 pounds

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Feed the elephant

Q: Why do Wisconsin fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why don't badger fans let their kids play in the sandbox?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: NateDoggMarq on December 05, 2007, 09:02:58 PM
Brian Butch was in 4th grade when a lot of his classmates made fun of his deep voice.
When young Brian got home he asked his dad.  "Is my voice so deep because I am tall"
his dad said "No son because your 16"


Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: MUCrew on December 06, 2007, 09:33:12 AM
Q: What is the difference between a UW@madison coed and an elephant?
A: 50 pounds

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Feed the elephant

Hilarious!  I was eating and nearly choked.  Thanks!
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: MUfan12 on December 03, 2008, 01:41:17 PM
UW-Madison: Paying tribute to the 1942 NCAA Champions by still playing at the same speed.

UW-Madison's new logo:

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/39/FightingWhites.jpg)
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Hards_Alumni on December 03, 2008, 03:57:49 PM
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: JSwarriors08 on December 03, 2008, 04:25:57 PM
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.

Dude, come on.  Unbelievable.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: TallTitan34 on December 03, 2008, 04:36:18 PM
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.

For real?  Live a little!
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: RawdogDX on December 03, 2008, 04:39:14 PM
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.

only fitting you'd be part of it then.  I smell a closet badger fan.  Let me guess, you "only root for them in football"
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: mosarsour on December 03, 2008, 04:39:49 PM
Q: What is the difference between a UW@madison coed and an elephant?
A: 50 pounds

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Feed the elephant


BEST.
JOKE.
EVER.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: ZiggysFryBoy on December 03, 2008, 05:25:19 PM
not a joke, but it's funny.  Bo Ryan is the spokesman for Hospice care in Madison.  He must fit the demographic pretty well.....
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: IAmMarquette on December 03, 2008, 05:36:50 PM
not a joke, but it's funny.  Bo Ryan is the spokesman for Hospice care in Madison.  He must fit the demographic pretty well.....

He also has an endorsement deal with a handful of Buick dealers in the state.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: ZiggysFryBoy on December 03, 2008, 05:46:07 PM
He also has an endorsement deal with a handful of Buick dealers in the state.

Rumor has it that his agent is working on a deal with the scooter store next.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Pakuni on December 03, 2008, 05:54:08 PM
He also has an endorsement deal with a handful of Buick dealers in the state.

Would you buy anything this man endorses?
Then again, he does have the car salesman's wardrobe down pat.

(http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/00vu8IAdPN5ID/340x.jpg)
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: JSwarriors08 on December 04, 2008, 12:04:01 AM
Rumor has it that his agent is working on a deal with the scooter store next.

I hear he rides around on a Rascal during practice:

http://www.abledata.com/product_images/images/94A0182.jpg (http://www.abledata.com/product_images/images/94A0182.jpg)
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Hards_Alumni on December 04, 2008, 08:20:52 AM
For real?  Live a little!

I live plenty, and therefore I have heard most of these unoriginal 'jokes' before.

I just think we can do better than this.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: mu-rara on December 04, 2008, 09:20:28 AM
Would you buy anything this man endorses?
Then again, he does have the car salesman's wardrobe down pat.

(http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/00vu8IAdPN5ID/340x.jpg)

What a perfect Badger face
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: MUCrew on December 04, 2008, 11:10:31 AM
I live plenty, and therefore I have heard most of these unoriginal 'jokes' before.

I just think we can do better than this.

Care to give us one?
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Hards_Alumni on December 04, 2008, 11:12:13 AM
Care to give us one?

see my first post.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: ChicosBailBonds on December 04, 2008, 11:47:03 AM
can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.

I've been laughing like crazy.  Jutaw, great stuff.  As are the others.   Have fun Hards.  You sound like Fran.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: DoubleMU0609 on December 04, 2008, 12:11:54 PM
Care to give us one?
see my first post.


can't say any of these really made me laugh... rather they are somewhat childish and just versions of other jokes replacing one word with another.

as for fat cheerleaders / women... I don't think we really have a leg to stand on.  we have more than our share of beef.

sorry to be a party pooper, but...

LAMEST. THREAD. EVER.


I don't get it...
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Hards_Alumni on December 04, 2008, 12:33:15 PM




I don't get it...

Sorry, I don't have a lame joke of my own to add, but i stopped laughing at unoriginal fat or unoriginal gay jokes years ago...

I just yearn for some creativity, I guess.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Warriors Forever on December 04, 2008, 01:00:54 PM
I think we pushed the easy button on the yearning Hards_Alumni UW hyphen Moscow fan.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: JSwarriors08 on December 04, 2008, 01:02:39 PM
Sorry, I don't have a lame joke of my own to add, but i stopped laughing at unoriginal fat or unoriginal gay jokes years ago...

I just yearn for some creativity, I guess.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

Feel free to grace us with your creative muse if you so please.  I would be honored to offer a chuckle or two at what a sharp and biting wit you must be capable of displaying.

I've got one:

Q: What's the only thing worse than having a message board littered with badger fans?
A: Having one with a minority of aggressive, depressing, and stiff-necked Marquette alums.

Oops.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: RawdogDX on December 04, 2008, 01:33:40 PM
Sorry, I don't have a lame joke of my own to add, but i stopped laughing at unoriginal fat or unoriginal gay jokes years ago...

I just yearn for some creativity, I guess.

Well go to nbc.com or the sundance channel or something.  Don't hate.

Q: What do the Badgers and the pot their fans use have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls (or while playing mu)
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Warriors Forever on December 04, 2008, 02:10:24 PM
10 Fun Things To Do With A Dead Badger

http://www.drivl.com/posts/view/472

My personal favorite is the Dead Badger Sip n' Snuggle Beer Coozie

Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: MonsterWebWarrior on December 04, 2008, 08:36:44 PM
Which one is the Rodent in this picture?

(http://)
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: rugbydrummer on December 04, 2008, 11:21:24 PM
hey, if it weren't for puerility, there wouldn't be much comedy left for some people  ;D
And I laughed a bit at the  Dominic James is my Father's Son!  joke for the record

however, i'm still holding out for a good "God's on our side" yarn . . . .

Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: keefe on December 05, 2013, 01:52:55 PM
hey, if it weren't for puerility, there wouldn't be much comedy left for some people  ;D
And I laughed a bit at the  Dominic James is my Father's Son!  joke for the record

however, i'm still holding out for a good "God's on our side" yarn . . . .



Having God on your side doesn't always work out...


(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7b/Royal_Standard_of_the_King_of_Prussia_(1871%E2%80%931918).svg/180px-Royal_Standard_of_the_King_of_Prussia_(1871%E2%80%931918).svg.png)


(http://gottmitunsdotnet.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/minzeschlucht1.jpg?w=633)


(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7d/WW_II_German_GOTT_MIT_UNS_Buckle_%28Wehrmaht%29.jpg/800px-WW_II_German_GOTT_MIT_UNS_Buckle_%28Wehrmaht%29.jpg)
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: muwarrior69 on December 05, 2013, 05:45:08 PM
Badger:   any of various burrowing mammals (especially Taxidea taxus and Meles meles) of the weasel family that are widely distributed in the northern hemisphere 
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: WellsstreetWanderer on December 05, 2013, 06:31:10 PM


    Did you know that when he died Bear Bryant's wife moved from Alabama to Madison?
     She wanted to get as far away from organized football as possible!
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: AZWarrior on December 05, 2013, 10:06:34 PM
I don't always take time to talk with Madison grads.  But when I do, I always ask for fries.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: real chili 83 on December 05, 2013, 10:38:06 PM
Why do Badger cheerleaders wear long skirts?

To hide the no-pest strips.

Why can't you breed a pig with a badger?

There are some things even pigs won't do.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: muhoosier260 on December 05, 2013, 11:51:32 PM
Having God on your side doesn't always work out...


(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7b/Royal_Standard_of_the_King_of_Prussia_(1871%E2%80%931918).svg/180px-Royal_Standard_of_the_King_of_Prussia_(1871%E2%80%931918).svg.png)


(http://gottmitunsdotnet.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/minzeschlucht1.jpg?w=633)


(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7d/WW_II_German_GOTT_MIT_UNS_Buckle_%28Wehrmaht%29.jpg/800px-WW_II_German_GOTT_MIT_UNS_Buckle_%28Wehrmaht%29.jpg)

Did you really dig up a 5 year old thread to diss MU?
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: keefe on December 06, 2013, 12:31:43 AM
Did you really dig up a 5 year old thread to diss MU?

I didn't dig it up. But anyone who suggests "God is on their side" is delusional.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: PDX Warrior on December 06, 2013, 01:56:01 AM
A Marquette fan wears their Marquette gear because they went to Marquette.

A Wisconsin fan wears their Wisconsin gear because they went to Wal-Mart.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: brewcity77 on December 06, 2013, 06:43:30 AM
I didn't dig it up. But anyone who suggests "God is on their side" is delusional.

When no one has posted in a thread for 5 years and you bump it, I'm pretty sure that's digging it up  ::)

Why you hoopin?
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Spotcheck Billy on December 08, 2016, 08:17:41 AM
<bump>
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Stretchdeltsig on December 08, 2016, 10:35:10 AM
Every year it seems that this is a big game of (Marquete's) superior talent vs. (UW's) great training of average athletes.  Win Marquette!
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: BM1090 on December 08, 2016, 10:38:58 AM
Every year it seems that this is a big game of (Marquete's) superior talent vs. (UW's) great training of average athletes.  Win Marquette!

Well, UW definitely has superior talent this year. We will have it next year.
Title: Re: Rodent Jokes
Post by: Stretchdeltsig on December 08, 2016, 01:11:17 PM
Wrong, rodent!