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Author Topic: Don't be that sports parent  (Read 424 times)

MUEng92

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Don't be that sports parent
« on: February 08, 2020, 09:14:24 AM »
https://twitter.com/bmdunson/status/1224916486310920192?s=21

I found the scope of replies to this tweet fascinating/aggravating/hilarious

I fall into the "if you can't understand this tweet, you are that parent" category.  I especially enjoyed the replies implying the coach is on a power trip.  As if it's his obligation to deal with the parent of a kid he doesn't have to recruit and if he doesn't there is something wrong with him.

I'm curious how Scoopers see it.

StillAWarrior

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2020, 10:29:26 AM »
https://twitter.com/bmdunson/status/1224916486310920192?s=21

I found the scope of replies to this tweet fascinating/aggravating/hilarious

I fall into the "if you can't understand this tweet, you are that parent" category.  I especially enjoyed the replies implying the coach is on a power trip.  As if it's his obligation to deal with the parent of a kid he doesn't have to recruit and if he doesn't there is something wrong with him.

I'm curious how Scoopers see it.

Oh, I 100% understand this, and I saw it in action quite a few times. Coaches absolutely watch parents and drop kids because of parents’ actions (over-coaching, complaining, hovering, etc.). They also really watch how kids interact with and treat their parents. A friend who is a D1 coach has told me that what he sees on the sideline after the game is nearly as important as what is in the game.

Obviously, talent wins out. Kids with transcendent talent can overcome a lot of baggage. But when deciding between kids, the parents can really be a strike against a kid. Our goal during my daughter’s recruitment was to be pretty much invisible.
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tower912

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2020, 10:32:59 AM »
At the grade school, middle school, little league, travel ball levels at which I have coached 37 different teams, if the kid is acting out on the field/court, you can usually trace a straight line back to their parents.    I have only had one kid out of all these teams where the kid was a jerk while the parents were great people.   
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

MUEng92

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2020, 11:13:53 AM »
My daughter hasn't played travel basketball in 5 years and I can still picture the faces of the most annoying parents from the teams she played (and 1-2 parents of kids she played with). 

I know of three girls who got scholarships.  The parents of two of them were great people you never heard (except cheering positively). The third girl played for my daughter's team's rival.  I actually once saw her dad yelling at the refs during my daughter's game that wasn't even against his daughter's team because he wanted my daughter's team to lose. 

tower912

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2020, 11:19:54 AM »
It all comes down to whether, as an adult, you are complete and whole in and of yourself, or if you need to live vicariously through your child.   
Luke 6:45   ...A good man produces goodness from the good in his heart; an evil man produces evil out of his store of evil.   Each man speaks from his heart's abundance...

It is better to be fearless and cheerful than cheerless and fearful.

Benny B

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2020, 11:26:21 AM »
The Twit replies are, sadly, not enlightening.  I happened upon a 5th grade tournament at RecPlex in Pleasant Prairie last year.  Some parents were loud and encouraging, some were loud and obnoxious, some were just loud.  But I honestly had a pit in my stomach for the coaches... each one of these guys had 10 assistant coaches on the opposite side of the court, each one giving their kid directions. 

What the “don’t fault the parents” fail to realize - whether or not their kid is an elite talent - is that these players are part of a team, and the message they are instilling to their kid is to be individual player.  There was one team from Madison that had three kids who were not elite players but had amazing court awareness... they we’re always either getting open underneath, or finding each other open, when on the floor.  It was a back and forth game, yet there were at least a half a dozen plays in the last 5-10 minutes where one of their teammates wouldn’t give up the ball and either turned it over or put up a low percentage shot while one of these three was standing open in the post... this team ended up losing by 2 pts, but at least these other kids trying to channel their inner LeBron in crunch time did exactly what their parents were screaming at them to do.

Many of these kids might grow up to be great, but not elite players... there are only so many seats on blue blood benches, and the reality is, a lot of these kids’ ceiling is a mid-major program... and these are the programs who can’t afford to recruit players who don’t have a team mindset if they want success.  Look no further than what our good friend Ja did to us last year.  Here was a lottery pick who had more dishes than IKEA, but if he was a one-man team last March (or if MU wasn’t dealing with its one one-man team) we might have had a chance. 



Incidentally, this Madison team had three initials down the side of their shorts, and I being the curious type asked one of the parents sitting next to me what the three letters stood for.  Her response was “I don’t know.” 

After a 10-second Google at halftime, I learned that it was the initials of the club team’s name.  No wonder coaches talk about not playing for the name on the back... some parents don’t even know what the name on the front is. 
« Last Edit: February 08, 2020, 11:34:33 AM by Benny B »
Wow, I'm very concerned for Benny.  Being able to mimic Myron Medcalf's writing so closely implies an oncoming case of dementia.

Retire0

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2020, 11:32:11 AM »
The Twit replies are, sadly, not enlightening.  I happened upon a 5th grade tournament at RecPlex in Pleasant Prairie last year.  Some parents were loud and encouraging, some were loud and obnoxious, some were just loud.  But I honestly had a pit in my stomach for the coaches... each one of these guys had 10 assistant coaches on the opposite side of the court, each one giving their kid directions. 

What the “don’t fault the parents” fail to realize - whether or not their kid is an elite talent - is that these players are part of a team, and the message they are instilling to their kid is to be individual player.  There was one team from Madison that had three kids who were not elite players but had amazing court awareness... they we’re always either getting open underneath, or finding each other open, when on the floor.  It was a back and forth game, yet there were at least a half a dozen plays in the last 5-10 minutes where one of their teammates wouldn’t give up the ball and either turned it over or put up a low percentage shot while one of these three was standing open in the post... this team ended up losing by 2 pts, but at least these other kids trying to channel their inner LeBron in crunch time did exactly what their parents were screaming at them to do.




Incidentally, team had three initials down the side of their shorts, and I being the curious type asked one of the parents sitting next to me what the three letters stood for.  Her response was “I don’t know.” 

After a 10-second Google at halftime, I learned that it was the initials of the club team’s name.  No wonder coaches talk about not playing for the name on the back... some parents don’t even know what the name on the front is. 

There’s a special place in hell for a lot of the people that live in Pleasant Prairie.
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MU82

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2020, 12:04:06 PM »
At the grade school, middle school, little league, travel ball levels at which I have coached 37 different teams, if the kid is acting out on the field/court, you can usually trace a straight line back to their parents.    I have only had one kid out of all these teams where the kid was a jerk while the parents were great people.

My experience exactly, tower.

The Twit replies are, sadly, not enlightening.  I happened upon a 5th grade tournament at RecPlex in Pleasant Prairie last year.  Some parents were loud and encouraging, some were loud and obnoxious, some were just loud.  But I honestly had a pit in my stomach for the coaches... each one of these guys had 10 assistant coaches on the opposite side of the court, each one giving their kid directions. 

What the “don’t fault the parents” fail to realize - whether or not their kid is an elite talent - is that these players are part of a team, and the message they are instilling to their kid is to be individual player.  There was one team from Madison that had three kids who were not elite players but had amazing court awareness... they we’re always either getting open underneath, or finding each other open, when on the floor.  It was a back and forth game, yet there were at least a half a dozen plays in the last 5-10 minutes where one of their teammates wouldn’t give up the ball and either turned it over or put up a low percentage shot while one of these three was standing open in the post... this team ended up losing by 2 pts, but at least these other kids trying to channel their inner LeBron in crunch time did exactly what their parents were screaming at them to do.

Many of these kids might grow up to be great, but not elite players... there are only so many seats on blue blood benches, and the reality is, a lot of these kids’ ceiling is a mid-major program... and these are the programs who can’t afford to recruit players who don’t have a team mindset if they want success.  Look no further than what our good friend Ja did to us last year.  Here was a lottery pick who had more dishes than IKEA, but if he was a one-man team last March (or if MU wasn’t dealing with its one one-man team) we might have had a chance.

Good stuff, Benny.

At the beginning of each season, I meet with the parents to discuss what my expectations are of them. All are common sense: Be role models, be good sports, don't get into it with the refs, support your kids but not at the expense of their teammates (in other words, don't say things like, "I don't see why Sally doesn't get more playing time; she's better than Sue"), don't shout "Shoot!" every time your kid touches the basketball, don't try talk with me about playing time or strategy until at least 24 hours after a game, etc.

The toughest one is the "Shoot!" thing, as parents can't help themselves. I hear it every game, especially from a couple of parents. I usually remind them during my midseason "state of the team" email, but they can't help themselves. Otherwise, for the most part, I have had few issues during 5 years as a middle school head coach and 2 as a high school assistant. Two parents complained about PT -- not bad in 5 years as head coach -- and both backed right down when I explained to them how a playing rotation works. And one was mad his daughter didn't get a postseason award; he also was OK after I explained the reasoning.

Thankfully, I haven't had any nuclear parents. I do have one kid this season who is my most "challenging" one so far; her mother actually is very nice and is at wit's end on how to deal with the girl, whom I think needs counseling. Talented player, too.
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ZiggysFryBoy

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2020, 01:03:15 PM »
There’s a special place in hell for a lot of the people that live in Pleasant Prairie.

And that place is called the rec plex.
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CTWarrior

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2020, 01:29:24 PM »
The people that keep replying that just because the parents are bad, that doesn't mean the kid is bad don't get it.  Once you take the kid you have to deal with the parents.  No one wants to deal with that other unless the kid is really high rated recruit.
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StillAWarrior

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2020, 02:29:23 PM »
The people that keep replying that just because the parents are bad, that doesn't mean the kid is bad don't get it.  Once you take the kid you have to deal with the parents.  No one wants to deal with that other unless the kid is really high rated recruit.

This is exactly the point. Being a college coach is a really hard job. Parents can either make that job easier or more difficult. Someone might be a wonderful and talented kid, but if the coach thinks the kid’s parents are going to make the job more difficult, they’ll move on to the next kid.
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TSmith34

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2020, 05:25:25 PM »
At the grade school, middle school, little league, travel ball levels at which I have coached 37 different teams, if the kid is acting out on the field/court, you can usually trace a straight line back to their parents.    I have only had one kid out of all these teams where the kid was a jerk while the parents were great people.
Yup.  The two worst offenders on my kid's current team are completely enabled by their parents.

"XXX is just really competitive."  I guess that absolves them from punching another kid in the throat.
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Fluffy Blue Monster

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Re: Don't be that sports parent
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2020, 05:30:04 PM »
Having kids well removed from youth sports gives me a much different perspective on how important they really are.

They’re not that important and way over emphasized. I would love to go back in time with that perspective as a parent. I would enjoy it more.
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