Hijacked Butler Thread

[Skatastrophy]

The problem (it seems to me) is that there are tons of ways to compliment an athlete on his strength, for example, without referencing gorillas or monkeys. That such a comparison should be off limits is obvious to me. And certainly when some people use words like well spoken or articulate to describe a black person it is a back handed compliment of surprise that denigrates blacks in general. But should we let a some clumsy or even racist people deny blacks the right to be complimented sincerely as articulate? Is that a positive distinction (being well spoken) that only whites should enjoy? What inoffensive substitute can we use to give people of color their just due? Granted, I'm old, but the black and white people I know consider "articulate" to be a positive and ignore the morons who use it sarcastically.

I've learned, in general, that it's not my place to decide for others what does or doesn't hurt their feelings.

[Cheeks]

I've learned, in general, that it's not my place to decide for others what does or doesn't hurt their feelings.

Bingo.  Or how the same thing that supposedly hurts one's feeling is given a hand slap and free pass if someone else says it.  The hypocrisy is always stunning.

[Cheeks]

High basketball IQ
Heady
Traditional
Has some surprising hops
Scrappy
High motor
Gamer
Sneaky athletic
Gritty
Winner
Good fundamentals
Plays the game the right way
Lunch pail guy
cerebral
Intangibles
Gets the most out of his abilities
Has a lot of heart


Someone should create an app so we aren't upsetting people inadvertently.

[Herman Cain]

Jimmy made it to the tenth wing.

[TAMU, Knower of Ball]

Bingo.  Or how the same thing that supposedly hurts one's feeling is given a hand slap and free pass is someone else says it.  The hypocrisy is always stunning.

I might be misunderstanding Ska, but I think you are misinterpreting his statement. I think he is saying it is not our place to decide whether or not someone else has the right to be offended by what we say.

Someone should create an app so we aren't upsetting people inadvertently.

That's not that point. You are going to upset people. That's part of being human. The point is that when someone tells you that you've upset them, don't get defensive and tell them that they are wrong, just say "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" and move on. It's really that simple.

[TAMU, Knower of Ball]

The problem (it seems to me) is that there are tons of ways to compliment an athlete on his strength, for example, without referencing gorillas or monkeys. That such a comparison should be off limits is obvious to me. And certainly when some people use words like well spoken or articulate to describe a black person it is a back handed compliment of surprise that denigrates blacks in general. But should we let a some clumsy or even racist people deny blacks the right to be complimented sincerely as articulate? Is that a positive distinction (being well spoken) that only whites should enjoy? What inoffensive substitute can we use to give people of color their just due? Granted, I'm old, but the black and white people I know consider "articulate" to be a positive and ignore the morons who use it sarcastically.

I like that way that you speak. You are a great storyteller. I enjoy listening to what you have to say. They are an eloquent speaker. They have a way of explaining things so I can understand them...etc.

Or if you know the person and you think they will take it as a compliment, you can say well spoken or articulate. But if they don't take it as a compliment, don't get defensive about it. That's really the key point to this.

[Lennys Tap]

I've learned, in general, that it's not my place to decide for others what does or doesn't hurt their feelings.

Fair enough, a good standard to live by. But OTOH, I know people who routinely take offense on behalf of people who aren't offended in the least.

[Skatastrophy]

I might be misunderstanding Ska, but I think you are misinterpreting his statement. I think he is saying it is not our place to decide whether or not someone else has the right to be offended by what we say.

Yep, you got it. The concept of "taking responsibility for your emotional wake." You can disagree that your intent was to do any harm, but that doesn't change the fact that you were responsible for the harm done. It's a pretty common leadership topic.

Fair enough, a good standard to live by. But OTOH, I know people who routinely take offense on behalf of people who aren't offended in the least.

Agreed.

[Hards Alumni]

I might be misunderstanding Ska, but I think you are misinterpreting his statement. I think he is saying it is not our place to decide whether or not someone else has the right to be offended by what we say.

That's not that point. You are going to upset people. That's part of being human. The point is that when someone tells you that you've upset them, don't get defensive and tell them that they are wrong, just say "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" and move on. It's really that simple.

This is falling on deaf ears with him.  It violates four main principles of his existence.

[Cheeks]

I wouldn't be surprised at all if Jimmy has a career in television when his playing days are over.  He's well-spoken, charismatic, and had an easy rapport with the guy who was interviewing him.  I know there are some folks here who think we were overrun with JUCO scum during the Buzz era, but some of those guys have turned into fine representatives of the program.

Makes you wonder why he has so many challenges with teammates on the various teams he has played on.  Another story came out this morning regarding him in Philly.

[Cheeks]

I might be misunderstanding Ska, but I think you are misinterpreting his statement. I think he is saying it is not our place to decide whether or not someone else has the right to be offended by what we say.

That's not that point. You are going to upset people. That's part of being human. The point is that when someone tells you that you've upset them, don't get defensive and tell them that they are wrong, just say "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" and move on. It's really that simple.

But that works both ways, which is my point and why I pointed out the hypocrisy.  Depending who says the what, the "hurt" and outrage that comes from it is either non existent or completely over the top.  The main example in this thread is exhibit A.

[Hards Alumni]

But that works both ways, which is my point and why I pointed out the hypocrisy.  Depending who says the what, the "hurt" and outrage that comes from it is either non existent or completely over the top.  The main example in this thread is exhibit A.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/ca/orange-county

[Cheeks]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/ca/orange-county

Cool, my mental health team is on the list.  #validation

[The Sultan]

But that works both ways, which is my point and why I pointed out the hypocrisy.  Depending who says the what, the "hurt" and outrage that comes from it is either non existent or completely over the top.  The main example in this thread is exhibit A.

He just gave some advice to the OP. TAMU and others followed up with solid reasoning why society in general is moving away from terms like that.

That's all. He wasn't insulting someone or making a larger, societal point. Why is that not acceptable to you?

[The Sultan]

Cool, my mental health team is on the list.  #validation

He wasn't suggesting anything about their quality.

[Hards Alumni]

He just gave some advice to the OP. TAMU and others followed up with solid reasoning why society in general is moving away from terms like that.

That's all. He wasn't insulting someone or making a larger, societal point. Why is that not acceptable to you?

Hint: Because it is me.  And he can't move on.

Up Next: Cheeks doubles down again!

[TAMU, Knower of Ball]

But that works both ways, which is my point and why I pointed out the hypocrisy.  Depending who says the what, the "hurt" and outrage that comes from it is either non existent or completely over the top.  The main example in this thread is exhibit A.

What is the main example in this thread? I didn't see any hurt and outrage so I'm not sure what you are talking about.

I'm also not sure what your argument is here. You seem to be saying that that two wrongs make a right.

[TAMU, Knower of Ball]

Yep, you got it. The concept of "taking responsibility for your emotional wake." You can disagree that your intent was to do any harm, but that doesn't change the fact that you were responsible for the harm done. It's a pretty common leadership topic.

Take responsibility for your emotional wake. I've never heard that phrasing before, but I like it. In my field we always talk about intent vs. impact but I think I like the visual of your wording.

[Cheeks]

He just gave some advice to the OP. TAMU and others followed up with solid reasoning why society in general is moving away from terms like that.

That's all. He wasn't insulting someone or making a larger, societal point. Why is that not acceptable to you?

It is acceptable to me, but be consistent in the outrage....why isn't that acceptable to you and others?

[The Sultan]

It is acceptable to me, but be consistent in the outrage....why isn't that acceptable to you and others?

No one person is representative of society at large. JFB...you...me...it doesn't matter if an individual person is offended. It also doesn't matter if a majority isn't offended. It matters what a significant segment of society thinks and finds offensive.

Of course "significant segment" is a relative term. But that's why there is no hard and fast rule here.

BTW no one here is "outraged."  Don't create straw men.

[brewcity77]

A compliment should be about making the other person feel good, not about making yourself feel good. So why use a compliment that you know may end up making the other person feel bad?

This is the most important part, in my opinion. If you learn that what you are saying and meaning as a compliment is actually offensive, don't complain about why, just accept that this is where the world is now and if you truly give a crap about the person's feelings you claim you want to compliment, adjust your behavior & try to be better.

[The Sultan]

This is the most important part, in my opinion. If you learn that what you are saying and meaning as a compliment is actually offensive, don't complain about why, just accept that this is where the world is now and if you truly give a crap about the person's feelings you claim you want to compliment, adjust your behavior & try to be better.

It's not even that person's feelings. It's just other's feelings in general.

[Boozemon Barro]

Jimmy talks good

[Silent Verbal]

Alright, mea culpa.  I will never use the term "well-spoken" again, nor will I try to justify its use in my OP.

Jimmy has a ton of charisma and a good sense of humor.  He also seems to have an easy way with people when he wants to, even if that's not who he is behind closed doors.  He'll have a future in television if he wants one, I think.

[The Sultan]

Alright, mea culpa.  I will never use the term "well-spoken" again, nor will I try to justify its use in my OP.

Jimmy has a ton of charisma and a good sense of humor.  He also seems to have an easy way with people when he wants to, even if that's not who he is behind closed doors.  He'll have a future in television if he wants one, I think.

Agreed!