Hello everyone,
Myself and my wife together cannot have children. Invitro will not work, insemination with a donor egg and womb would work, but we're not sure.
Has anyone else here gone the adoption route?
Can't help you but just want to wish you the best of luck.
Some here will advise you that kids are a poor investment. Step one is to ignore them.
My next step would be to consult an attorney who specializes in the field.
Best of luck to you!
Quote from: Lennys Tap on August 08, 2024, 06:30:44 AM
Some here will advise you that kids are a poor investment. Step one is to ignore them.
My next step would be to consult an attorney who specializes in the field.
Best of luck to you!
Great advice.
Good luck and God's blessings on your adventure.
nm
#unleash
Can provide no insight on the process but best of luck to you and your wife!!!
Hey, numbskulls, shame on both of you. Support our fellow scooper.
Quote from: #UnleashSean on August 07, 2024, 10:13:13 PM
Hello everyone,
Myself and my wife together cannot have children. Invitro will not work, insemination with a donor egg and womb would work, but we're not sure.
Has anyone else here gone the adoption route?
I don't know much about the actual path, but a close friend adopted 2 boys and it was immensely rewarding. The 2 early stage things I do know...
1) Decide if you want a closed or open adoption (the latter where you get to know and support the birth mother, and sometimes keep her involved). Most people assume the former, but I understand the latter is getting more and more popular with some people.
2) Start working the "checklist" that many adoption agencies share. There is a laundry list of things you need to have sorted/taken care of/learned before you even begin or advance in the process. Often time people only learn or discover this when they engage an agency and then get disappointed that progress is stalled while they work on it.
I also agree with the legal counsel, that is a vitally important part. Either way, good luck on any path you choose.
My brother adopted his first two kids from Russia. The third kid arrived unexpectantly.
My cousin Vinny adopted two kids. He was a state rep here in Connecticut from late 80's to early 2000's and advocated for changes to adoption laws in Connecticut as a result. He passed away 2 years ago.
One of my childhood neighbors adopted her two kids. Also in the early 2000's. The first child was an open adoption. They knew the mother and helped support her while she was carrying.
I can't offer any advice but, my brother and sister-in-law are MU Class of '93 may be able to offer something. The adoptions were early 2000s, so it may not be relevant to 2024. They are in Minnesota.
Quote from: tower912 on August 08, 2024, 08:28:15 AM
Hey, numbskulls, shame on both of you. Support our fellow scooper.
Amen! This is one thread in which we should all be supporting the OP. I'm happy to see that there are now some posts that offer info (from experience) in addition to encouragement. It's just a matter of time before dgies shows up.
Quote from: MU Fan in Connecticut on August 08, 2024, 08:39:58 AM
My cousin Vinny adopted two kids. He was a state rep here in Connecticut from late 80's to early 2000's and advocated for changes to adoption laws in Connecticut as a result. He passed away 2 years ago.
He was a fearless advocate for those Yutes.
My wife and I adopted two children from Belarus and Ukraine.
They're adults and married now (though not completely off the payroll). With an awful lot of work and support, both have college degrees and are gainfully employed. My daughter and her husband announced yesterday they were buying their first home in Upstate New York. Both my children had learning difficulties and my wife was instrumental in their ability to learn and become strong, productive people.
It's a nerve-wracking and time consuming, not to mention expensive, process. It also was one of the most rewarding things my wife and I ever did. My daughter, who is married to a UWM-educated Engineer and is a graphic designer, was born on the edge of the Chernobyl exclusion zone and probably would have scraped for anything she could find had she not been adopted.
My son was born in a hospital that has since been blown up by Russian missiles. He certainly would have been killed by now had he not been adopted. He's married and works in Security.
It isn't easy and you're not always sure from where your children come. But, if you are inclined to do it, you are giving children a life they certainly would not have had if you and your wife did not step up.
I know this is a traumatic time in a lot of ways and I wish you both the best in your quest to decide your path as parents.
I haven't adopted, but some very close friends have. One worked out great, the second time the birth mother changed her mind and wanted to keep the kid, three days after it was born. I'd echo the advice about counsel, and just be prepared for the emotional ups and downs that can happen in this process.
Being a parent is the best, no matter how that kiddo arrives in your life. Best of luck!
Quote from: dgies9156 on August 08, 2024, 09:53:05 AM
My wife and I adopted two children from Belarus and Ukraine.
They're adults and married now (though not completely off the payroll). With an awful lot of work and support, both have college degrees and are gainfully employed. My daughter and her husband announced yesterday they were buying their first home in Upstate New York. Both my children had learning difficulties and my wife was instrumental in their ability to learn and become strong, productive people.
It's a nerve-wracking and time consuming, not to mention expensive, process. It also was one of the most rewarding things my wife and I ever did. My daughter, who is married to a UWM-educated Engineer and is a graphic designer, was born on the edge of the Chernobyl exclusion zone and probably would have scraped for anything she could find had she not been adopted.
My son was born in a hospital that has since been blown up by Russian missiles. He certainly would have been killed by now had he not been adopted. He's married and works in Security.
It isn't easy and you're not always sure from where your children come. But, if you are inclined to do it, you are giving children a life they certainly would not have had if you and your wife did not step up.
I know this is a traumatic time in a lot of ways and I wish you both the best in your quest to decide your path as parents.
Love your story with your children
Quote from: tower912 on August 08, 2024, 08:28:15 AM
Hey, numbskulls, shame on both of you. Support our fellow scooper.
Hey numbskull - I did support him and actually gave what he asked for - some hopefully helpful advice re adoption attorneys. I guess you missed it.
Sultan, otoh, offered nothing but misinformation and snark. What new?
::)
Good luck, ulS
Quote from: #UnleashSean on August 07, 2024, 10:13:13 PM
Hello everyone,
Myself and my wife together cannot have children. Invitro will not work, insemination with a donor egg and womb would work, but we're not sure.
Has anyone else here gone the adoption route?
There are many positive adoption stories out there . I would agree with Lenny's Tap to find a good attorney specializing in this , as there also been many cases where birth mother changed mind.
I would also advocate donor egg and womb if that is possible. It is really an adoption where you are in control. Also, In today's day world of modern medical miracles you are assured of your child have a family medical history and related genetics, which is important if something goes wrong in the future like cancer .
Quote from: Lennys Tap on August 08, 2024, 06:00:06 PM
Hey numbskull - I did support him and actually gave what he asked for - some hopefully helpful advice re adoption attorneys. I guess you missed it.
Sultan, otoh, offered nothing but misinformation and snark. What new?
Lenny, you know you could've left out the "bad investment" part of your post, but ya felt bringing grievances from another topic, into another one from a fellow Scooper who was awesomely transparent and vulnerable. You know it's okay to just say, yeah, my bad, I'll do better.
Quote from: reinko on August 08, 2024, 09:38:38 PM
Lenny, you know you could've left out the "bad investment" part of your post, but ya felt bringing grievances from another topic, into another one from a fellow Scooper who was awesomely transparent and vulnerable. You know it's okay to just say, yeah, my bad, I'll do better.
But Lenny's is always the victim.
UnleashSean, the best of luck to you and your wife. I'm pulling for you guys!!!
SCE
UnleashSean, my wife and I adopted our 12 year old as a newborn from Houston. We went through a local social worker that walked us through the process of applying to multiple out of state adoption agencies. It was a really quick process in our case. We finished our booklet that they show to birth moms on the December 2011 day that Marquette won at the Kohl Center. Our son was born in early February.
We had multiple opportunities come and go during that time period. It really was an exhausting roller coaster ride, but it was definitely worth it in the end. We were notified on a Sunday that he had been born, and we were on a plane to Houston Tuesday morning with an empty baby car seat that prompted lots of questions during our journey. We flew home with him when he was 11 days old.
We have an open adoption with his birth mom. We first met her about a week after the birth during our stay in Houston while all of the paperwork was getting finished. We travel down there about once a year to visit, most recently last month. That relationship has been great for us and our son.
Best of luck in your journey! PM me if you have any specific questions.
Quote from: larrym on August 09, 2024, 09:16:55 AM
UnleashSean, my wife and I adopted our 12 year old as a newborn from Houston. We went through a local social worker that walked us through the process of applying to multiple out of state adoption agencies. It was a really quick process in our case. We finished our booklet that they show to birth moms on the December 2011 day that Marquette won at the Kohl Center. Our son was born in early February.
We had multiple opportunities come and go during that time period. It really was an exhausting roller coaster ride, but it was definitely worth it in the end. We were notified on a Sunday that he had been born, and we were on a plane to Houston Tuesday morning with an empty baby car seat that prompted lots of questions during our journey. We flew home with him when he was 11 days old.
We have an open adoption with his birth mom. We first met her about a week after the birth during our stay in Houston while all of the paperwork was getting finished. We travel down there about once a year to visit, most recently last month. That relationship has been great for us and our son.
Best of luck in your journey! PM me if you have any specific questions.
Congrats, larry. What a great story about your happy family!
Also dgies - you've told versions of that before, and I smile every time. Marquette is lucky to have a great steward of its values like you.
Unleash - best of luck, and please keep us posted on your progress.
Quote from: MU82 on August 09, 2024, 09:35:09 AM
Congrats, larry. What a great story about your happy family!
Also dgies - you've told versions of that before, and I smile every time. Marquette is lucky to have a great steward of its values like you.
Unleash - best of luck, and please keep us posted on your progress.
This post says it all. Unleash, remember to post a photo of the child in Marquette gear soon after arrival. :)
Quote from: #UnleashSean on August 07, 2024, 10:13:13 PM
Hello everyone,
Myself and my wife together cannot have children. Invitro will not work, insemination with a donor egg and womb would work, but we're not sure.
Has anyone else here gone the adoption route?
You're doing God's work.
I'm sending you a PM. Dajudge might be a good resource.
wades
Great call on the Dajudge. Well done.
Hey guys,
Thanks for all the support. Ive had a few people PM me. I will be responding to you guys tonight. Thanks!
I'm telling this as a note of caution, not as a way to dissuade.
An old high school buddy adopted a newborn. I'm not clear on the details, but the mother was likely a substance addict, and the child was born with developmental issues.
I'm certain their son has brought them much joy, although I'm not sure they knew they'd be taking care of him for 60+ years.
Quote from: mu_hilltopper on August 12, 2024, 05:27:14 PM
I'm telling this as a note of caution, not as a way to dissuade.
An old high school buddy adopted a newborn. I'm not clear on the details, but the mother was likely a substance addict, and the child was born with developmental issues.
I'm certain their son has brought them much joy, although I'm not sure they knew they'd be taking care of him for 60+ years.
I was reluctant to post about this subject, but since you broke the ice...
My knowledge is also strictly second hand. My neighbors' daughter worked in social services in Michigan and was involved in finding adopters for babies whose mothers were addicts. Two girls from different mothers who were crack addicts came up for adoption. After not being able to find adopters, she adopted them herself. One had quite a few learning disabilities and both had difficulties as they became a little older.
I met them when they were about 7 and 10 when they came to Virginia to visit their grandparents yearly. We had horses at the time, and they were both absolutely crazy about the horses and would stay around our property for much of the day. I always made time to help the older girl learn to ride a horse and led the younger one, perched on the horse, around with a line secured to the horse. More than 20 years later, they remember the horses (and us too :)).
The younger girl would have memory lapses similar to someone in early dementia. They both had problems with emotional self-control, but with incredible patience and dedication from their single mom, they have managed. Dgies has written several times about the challenges. I have SO much respect and admiration for people who adopt these kids. For me, it was just about a week out of a year and for part of the day. Big deal!
Hilltopper's story is anecdotal but nonetheless worth noting. This is why (repeating myself) I think your first step should be to find a reputable attorney who specializes in adoption law and can help you through the maze. Best of luck!
Quote from: Lennys Tap on August 12, 2024, 09:58:27 PM
Hilltopper's and Snoop's stories are anecdotal but nonetheless worth noting. This is why (repeating myself) I think your first step should be to find a reputable attorney who specializes in adoption law and can help you through the maze. Best of luck!
I see absolutely no connection to the two posts and your reply. In mine, I wrote about a woman who knew full well what she was getting herself into but went ahead anyway. There are now two young women who are enjoying their lives and who had the crucial support needed from the time they were babies onward.
I will say based on my experience, if you're dealing with someone who's knowledgeable on your side and a credible adoption agency on the other side, there shouldn't be many surprises along the lines of the stories people have heard second-hand. In fact our social worker advocate went over all of this in our first meeting with her. She said substance abuse and medical history of the birth mother (and often also the birth father) are reported, and that she would guide us on what the risks were with each situation.
That turned out to be the case. Some of the opportunities that I alluded to that came and went did so after discussions with our social worker. We decided it wasn't the right situation for us.
An additional benefit of an open adoption is that you get to keep your child's birth family medical history up to date. Every year or two we revisit birth family medical history with his birth mother so that we can keep his medical chart current.
Adopting is a calling to a specific form of vocation. Some folks have it. Others just aren't called to do it. There's nothing wrong if you're not, but it's a careful examination of who you are and what you can do for yourself and, importantly, for others.
Our experience was rewarding in total but there were days when my wife and I would ask, "why did we do this?" We made it through, although you never make it completely "through," as long as you have a family. We knew people whose struggles were far greater than our's. My late Mom, for example, had a good friend in Northwestern Wisconsin who adopted when my wife and I did and faced behavioral challenges we never confronted. The difficulties cost her her marriage.
We spent an awful lot of money on tutors, after-school help and other services that were far beyond what the schools offered. It was money well-spent but good gosh, it was expensive.
Before we did anything, we were invited to an outing held by the agency we used that reunited many of the parents and children that had been adopted through that agency. Most told "wonderful" stories but what moved us was an executive from Anheuser-Busch who was very open about the challenges she faced and what we might be getting if we adopted. She loved her son dearly but she was the first person who told us about ADHD, learning disabilities and other of what became "upcoming events" in our lives.
My thoughts about adoption would simply be to do appropriate due diligence and, as others have said, engage professionals experienced in adoption matters to assist you. Make sure you go into the process eyes wide open and be very ready for surprises.
We thought about and looked into adoption fairly seriously in 99-00. Ultimately decided against it. I understand all of the why's and why nots and wish ulS and anybody else contemplating it the very best.
We went through fertility treatments and I have a niece conceived through IVF.
Quote from: Scoop Snoop on August 13, 2024, 08:19:35 AM
I see absolutely no connection to the two posts and your reply. In mine, I wrote about a woman who knew full well what she was getting herself into but went ahead anyway. There are now two young women who are enjoying their lives and who had the crucial support needed from the time they were babies onward.
Edited you out of my post.