Adoption

[Goose]

wades

Great call on the Dajudge. Well done.

[#UnleashSean]

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the support. Ive had a few people PM me. I will be responding to you guys tonight. Thanks!

[mu_hilltopper]

I'm telling this as a note of caution, not as a way to dissuade. 

An old high school buddy adopted a newborn.  I'm not clear on the details, but the mother was likely a substance addict, and the child was born with developmental issues. 

I'm certain their son has brought them much joy, although I'm not sure they knew they'd be taking care of him for 60+ years.

[Scoop Snoop]

I'm telling this as a note of caution, not as a way to dissuade. 

An old high school buddy adopted a newborn.  I'm not clear on the details, but the mother was likely a substance addict, and the child was born with developmental issues. 

I'm certain their son has brought them much joy, although I'm not sure they knew they'd be taking care of him for 60+ years.

I was reluctant to post about this subject, but since you broke the ice...

My knowledge is also strictly second hand. My neighbors' daughter worked in social services in Michigan and was involved in finding adopters for babies whose mothers were addicts. Two girls from different mothers who were crack addicts came up for adoption. After not being able to find adopters, she adopted them herself. One had quite a few learning disabilities and both had difficulties as they became a little older.

I met them when they were about 7 and 10 when they came to Virginia to visit their grandparents yearly. We had horses at the time, and they were both absolutely crazy about the horses and would stay around our property for much of the day. I always made time to help the older girl learn to ride a horse and led the younger one, perched on the horse, around with a line secured to the horse.  More than 20 years later, they remember the horses (and us too  ).

The younger girl would have memory lapses similar to someone in early dementia. They both had problems with emotional self-control, but with incredible patience and dedication from their single mom, they have managed. Dgies has written several times about the challenges. I have SO much respect and admiration for people who adopt these kids. For me, it was just about a week out of a year and for part of the day. Big deal!

[Lennys Tap]

Hilltopper's story is anecdotal but nonetheless worth noting. This is why (repeating myself) I think your first step should be to find a reputable attorney who specializes in adoption law and can help you through the maze. Best of luck!

[Scoop Snoop]

Hilltopper's and Snoop's stories are anecdotal but nonetheless worth noting. This is why (repeating myself) I think your first step should be to find a reputable attorney who specializes in adoption law and can help you through the maze. Best of luck!

I see absolutely no connection to the two posts and your reply. In mine, I wrote about a woman who knew full well what she was getting herself into but went ahead anyway. There are now two young women who are enjoying their lives and who had the crucial support needed from the time they were babies onward.

[larrym]

I will say based on my experience, if you're dealing with someone who's knowledgeable on your side and a credible adoption agency on the other side, there shouldn't be many surprises along the lines of the stories people have heard second-hand.  In fact our social worker advocate went over all of this in our first meeting with her.  She said substance abuse and medical history of the birth mother (and often also the birth father) are reported, and that she would guide us on what the risks were with each situation. 

That turned out to be the case.  Some of the opportunities that I alluded to that came and went did so after discussions with our social worker.  We decided it wasn't the right situation for us. 

An additional benefit of an open adoption is that you get to keep your child's birth family medical history up to date.  Every year or two we revisit birth family medical history with his birth mother so that we can keep his medical chart current.

[dgies9156]

Adopting is a calling to a specific form of vocation. Some folks have it. Others just aren't called to do it. There's nothing wrong if you're not, but it's a careful examination of who you are and what you can do for yourself and, importantly, for others.

Our experience was rewarding in total but there were days when my wife and I would ask, "why did we do this?" We made it through, although you never make it completely "through," as long as you have a family. We knew people whose struggles were far greater than our's. My late Mom, for example, had a good friend in Northwestern Wisconsin who adopted when my wife and I did and faced behavioral challenges we never confronted. The difficulties cost her her marriage.

We spent an awful lot of money on tutors, after-school help and other services that were far beyond what the schools offered. It was money well-spent but good gosh, it was expensive.

Before we did anything, we were invited to an outing held by the agency we used that reunited many of the parents and children that had been adopted through that agency. Most told "wonderful" stories but what moved us was an executive from Anheuser-Busch who was very open about the challenges she faced and what we might be getting if we adopted. She loved her son dearly but she was the first person who told us about ADHD, learning disabilities and other of what became "upcoming events" in our lives.

My thoughts about adoption would simply be to do appropriate due diligence and, as others have said, engage professionals experienced in adoption matters to assist you. Make sure you go into the process eyes wide open and be very ready for surprises.

[tower912]

We thought about  and looked into adoption fairly seriously in 99-00.   Ultimately decided against it.   I understand all of the why's and why nots and wish ulS and anybody else contemplating it the very best.
   We went through fertility treatments and I have a niece conceived through IVF.   

[Lennys Tap]

I see absolutely no connection to the two posts and your reply. In mine, I wrote about a woman who knew full well what she was getting herself into but went ahead anyway. There are now two young women who are enjoying their lives and who had the crucial support needed from the time they were babies onward.

Edited you out of my post.