The Truth About Conference Realignment Comes Out!

[Tugg Speedman]

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/syracuse-leaves-big-east-for-woman-named-misti,26145/

Syracuse Leaves Big East For Woman Named 'Misti'

SYRACUSE, NY—In a hastily delivered statement from the passenger side of the young woman's lime-green Hyundai Tiburon, Syracuse University announced Sunday it was leaving the Big East, the conference it helped create more than 30 years ago, for a 23-year-old exotic dancer and vodka brand ambassador named "Misti."

"We've had a nice run with the Big East, but we think Misti has more to offer us," said Syracuse athletic director Daryl Gross, crediting the woman for bringing a "renewed sense of purpose" to the 141-year-old research institution. "We have had some good times—great times, actually, really great—with the Big East, and we hope we can continue to maintain a friendly relationship, but we think it's time for us to pursue other options."

Gross quickly added that the young woman is "really smart" and wants to go to school to become a dental hygienist, which is perfect, because they are a school.

[Bocephys]

Gross quickly added that the young woman is "really smart" and wants to go to school to become a dental hygienist, which is perfect, because they are a school.

Haha, that last part is awesome.  Well played, Onion.

[4everwarriors]

Probably only BeeJay has had experience with exotic dancers and dental hygienists.

[BubbaWilliams]

I love the Onion and dislike 'Cuse. Good post!

[BobWildLoyalist]

Nice article. Almost had me fooled.

[Benny B]

Every time someone sends me a link to the Onion, I lose about four hours of productivity just by clicking links to other stories until I've read them all.

[MU Fan in Connecticut]

Every time someone sends me a link to the Onion, I lose about four hours of productivity just by clicking links to other stories until I've read them all.

I'm still laughing over a recent article that "a scientific study has concluded that 94% of all humans would rather be an animatronic bear."

[MUMac]

Every time someone sends me a link to the Onion, I lose about four hours of productivity just by clicking links to other stories until I've read them all.

Yeah, me too.  Loved the BJ Upton article.