Wedding Costs

[StillAWarrior]

Looks like the last "weddings" topic was a couple years ago, so I'm starting a new thread. My son got engaged yesterday. I am utterly out of the loop on the going rate for weddings as well as who typically pays. Back in the day, it was usually the bride's family. That always seemed like a strange and stupid tradition. Because my son got engaged, I'm rethinking that position -- it seems like a great tradition. But, I've got three daughters waiting in the wings...

So, I'm turning to scoop for info on weddings. I'd love information on what they cost and who pays. Obviously, the numbers aren't terribly helpful without some details about the event (number of guests, type of venue, meals, etc.). I'm also interested about whether they still do traditional events like rehearsal dinners, etc. I do understand that it's quite possible that the answer is, "every wedding is different" but I'm still hoping I can 'Scoopsource some information.

I'd love to hear your stories.

[The Sultan]

Yeah the bride's family pays thing is long gone. When our son got married, we made a contribution, the bride's parents made one, and they covered the rest. (They were in their 30s and both making decent money.) I know what we did - I have no idea what her parents did or the total budget.

It will likely be expensive. Save up and tell them what you feel you can do early on. The good news is that engagements are pretty damn long these days. 

[Billy Hoyle]

If my wife and I could do it again, our wedding would have been immediately family and a few close friends only. No more than 25-30 people. Unfortunately, my FIL turned it into a big family party and was even inviting clients (we vetoed that one but still, relatives my wife had never met were invited). They're a massive waste of money, IMO.

As Jerry Seinfeld said, a wedding is just you buying dinner for a bunch of people.

[mu_hilltopper]

The US' big wedding industry has brainwashed so many couples (<cough> women <cough>) into thinking they need to drop $30-40k on 12 hours of partying.  It's insanely wasteful and financially dumb.  Any other country, the baseline is a fraction of that.

TLDR: Arby's does catering trays. 

Everybody wins.

[GB Warrior]

We solicited donations from the folks and close family then covered the rest. Was an absurd amount of money as hilltopper alluded to, exacerbated by the fact that it was a longer engagement (her twin was getting married too, so we pushed it out a year  as a courtesy to my MIL) with two professionals making decent money to save and spend on scope creep.

[Shaka Shart]

We solicited donations from the folks and close family then covered the rest. Was an absurd amount of money as hilltopper alluded to, exacerbated by the fact that it was a longer engagement (her twin was getting married too, so we pushed it out a year  as a courtesy to my MIL) with two professionals making decent money to save and spend on scope creep.

Using the term "scope creep" referring to weddings is depressing

[jesmu84]

We asked 40 friends and family to go to a resort in Mexico and had a fun and high quality wedding experience for 4-5 days with everyone.

We paid a fraction of what it would have cost in the US.

Food for thought

[Billy Hoyle]

The US' big wedding industry has brainwashed so many couples (<cough> women <cough>) into thinking they need to drop $30-40k on 12 hours of partying.  It's insanely wasteful and financially dumb.  Any other country, the baseline is a fraction of that.

TLDR: Arby's does catering trays. 

Everybody wins.

I had an intern whose dad had budgeted her $30k for her wedding. Then she got knocked up by her fiancé and decided the money would be better spent elsewhere, and they got married at the courthouse. My cousin also told his wife "we can have a big wedding or an amazing honeymoon." She took the courthouse wedding and spent two weeks in Tahiti.

[JWags85]

Wedding cost/options discussion is much like engagement ring discourse for me.  Its a personal decision, do what makes you happy, and everyone is gonna have different opinions and thresholds.  People that are insistent about tropes about cost or size are annoying and tone deaf, while the people who smugly talk about how they or their wife would NEVER want a diamond or nice ring/would never spend on a wedding when they could invest in a house or whatever...are also incredibly obnoxious and eye roll worthy.

That being said, we got married in mid 2021 in the full chaos of the near post-COVID era.  We had a small friends and family ceremony on the bluffs at Concordia.  My wife comes from nothing and has been paying for everything for herself since she was 18 so there was nothing coming there.  My parents helped a bit but they also have 3 daughters including 2 who were getting married in the next 9 months 

We initially started looking at a smaller destination wedding which was almost immediately killed by 2-3 key people having no hope of attending.  Then switched  to do more of a small normal wedding, but adding to the factors above were venues PACKED with backlogs of rescheduled weddings from the year before and it was chaos.  (My friends got married at a nice golf course/venue in CO in June of '21, originally planned for June '20.  The day things opened a bit in CO and the venue started planning again, they got told they could have their exact same date in June otherwise they were booked for 19 months straight after...and had to decide that day).

We still spent a full budget on a great photographer, got a bunch of amazing shots and memories, and had far less headaches than we may have.  I definitely have a bit of regret for not having the full experience, but have zero qualms about not having the headaches of planning or the stress of the day.

I'll put it this way.  If you have the budget to do a big splashy wedding the right way and also have the right help in planning, then more power to you.  Go for it and enjoy it and have no need to defend any of your decisions.  But the people that are on a tight budget or cash strapped but still think you need to have a royal caliber wedding, I don't have a lot of sympathy for the stress or angst.

[reinko]

Easiest way to control costs:

-Time of the year
-Date of the week (can score big discounts for Thurs/Fri/Sun
And the biggest - # of Guests (we fell into the trap, well they invited us to their wedding, so we should feel obligated to invite them). 

[Jay Bee]

Looks like the last "weddings" topic was a couple years ago, so I'm starting a new thread. My son got engaged yesterday. I am utterly out of the loop on the going rate for weddings as well as who typically pays. Back in the day, it was usually the bride's family. That always seemed like a strange and stupid tradition. Because my son got engaged, I'm rethinking that position -- it seems like a great tradition. But, I've got three daughters waiting in the wings...

So, I'm turning to scoop for info on weddings. I'd love information on what they cost and who pays. Obviously, the numbers aren't terribly helpful without some details about the event (number of guests, type of venue, meals, etc.). I'm also interested about whether they still do traditional events like rehearsal dinners, etc. I do understand that it's quite possible that the answer is, "every wedding is different" but I'm still hoping I can 'Scoopsource some information.

I'd love to hear your stories.

Is he marrying a guy, girl, or something else?

[tower912]

My daughter got married in May of '24.  She pretty much held to her promise that if we paid for her college, she would pay for her own wedding.  We gave her $10k on principle and then paid our own expenses. (Flight, suits, dresses, car rental, hotel)  Total cost was in the upper $20's.   Guest list was around 100.  They chose a venue that handled everything but the flowers and the photographer.  Had the ceremony in the garden of the revolutionary war era inn, walked to the tent on the other side. 

Great party.  More than half the guests were still dancing when the DJ announced it was the last song.

[MU82]

About 20 years ago, a good friend's daughter was getting married. He and I talked about wedding costs, and he said: "We reached what I think was a great agreement. Six months before the wedding, my wife and I will give her X dollars, and she and her fiance can then spend it any way they want. They could have a small ceremony and use most of it for the honeymoon, or for a down payment on their first house; they could have a medium-sized wedding and this would cover most or all of the costs; they could have a huge bash and use their own money - or debt - to cover whatever this doesn't; they could use 50% of it on some crazy-fancy wedding dress if they are insane; whatever - it's their choice."

The couple ended up opting for a nice, medium-sized wedding, didn't go into debt, and my friend and his wife didn't have to go into hock to pay for it. Everyone was happy.

My daughter was about 18 at the time, and I told her about it. She said: "I would be TOTALLY happy if we had this exact kind of arrangement when I'm gonna get married."

Fast-forward to 2017, as my daughter and her fiance started planning for their wedding. She asked if "that deal" was still on the table, and I said it absolutely was. My wife and I presented a dollar figure we considered to be reasonable, my daughter and her fiance agreed, and I wrote her a check.

They ended up having a great destination wedding in Cabo, with about 30 guests - immediate family and their closest friends. Our contribution paid for 95% of it. Because my daughter had done the planning in such good faith, I offered to cover the remaining 5%, but her new husband - a tech guru with a great job - declined my offer and said they would handle it.

In the end, my daughter and her husband got what they still consider to have been a perfect wedding, neither they nor my wife and I went even one penny into debt, and a marvelous time was had by all.

I highly recommend this method of parental contributions to weddings.

[mu_hilltopper]

Here's one way to cut down on wedding costs ..

A couple decades ago, I was the best man at a dry wedding. 

People were leaving before the cake was cut.  We were literally posted at doors to ask people to stay longer for dessert.

[Skatastrophy]

Here's one way to cut down on wedding costs ..

A couple decades ago, I was the best man at a dry wedding. 

People were leaving before the cake was cut.  We were literally posted at doors to ask people to stay longer for dessert.

Most of my family is from the South. I've been to a lot of dry weddings where the reception is in the fellowship hall.

Usually a mid-morning wedding, with punch and heavy snacks in the fellowship hall for lunch. 

It's funny how they're all so similar. Very low cost, though, besides the church rental fee. And I have to imagine that southern suburban evangelical churches are cheaper to rent than urban cathedral.

[JWags85]

Here's one way to cut down on wedding costs ..

A couple decades ago, I was the best man at a dry wedding. 

People were leaving before the cake was cut.  We were literally posted at doors to ask people to stay longer for dessert.

I went to an essentially dry wedding in my late 20s.  My buddy got married in NW Ohio so we all drove in.  We knew his fiancee's family was fairly buttoned up, but we knew her in college as well, before they dated, and she was "normal" enough.  Had a few drinks at a cool local bar on a lake between the ceremony and reception and then headed over.  It was in one of those big multi-purpose utility shed/barn sort of things they build at local parks.  We soon see there is no bar, sodas/waters and such are on folding tables, and the only alcohol was the glass dispensers filled with the "special cocktail" for the bride and groom.  We quickly realize those are actually non-alcoholic after tasting them once and realizing parents weren't stopping teenagers from drinking it.

Again, different strokes for different folks and we were there to support our friend.  But then after dinner, we learned the wedding DJs were two 50 something guys who told us they didn't approve of "the crap they put on the radio these days" and who LEGITIMATELY didn't know who Usher, Rihanna, or One Direction were.  The music was horrible, created no festive atmosphere, and the reception was a bunch of people sitting around, sober and confused.  Eventually, a pair of my friends drove to a liquor store and got some supplies out of necessity.  No you don't need alcohol to have fun, but we were in our 20s, it was a legitimately depressing scene, we were an hour plus from any city of note and staying in town that night, and desperate times called for desperate measures.

[MU82]

drunk & confused > sober & confused

[MU1in77]

drunk & confused > sober & confused

Made me laugh