Life's perspective

[rocket surgeon]

dgies

I remember asking my father in law if I would ever get over missing my Mom after she passed away and his response, "why would you want to?". There is not a day that goes by, without me thinking of both my parents, my father in law and brother in law that have passed away and everyday I think about "why would you want to?". As time has marched on, I still miss them, but thank God everyday that I still miss them.

That is awesome!  Thanks goose👍

   My dad had a stroke 2 months ago.  He is a mentor and a peer as well; we practiced together for 16 years.  We don’t know how much of him we are going to get back as he is more physically than mentally disabled.  But we still have him today and now, with goose’  dynamite response,  we always will have him

[Goose]

Rocket

First off, I do not know you, but I know you are a good man. I remember you telling me that you practiced with your Dad and I love that. I worked in a family business for a long time and understand the pride involved. Since the closing of that biz, I have had the honor of working with my oldest son for the past eight years. A true gift from God. 

I will be praying for you Dad. I have a brother in law that suffered a serious brain aneurysm seven years ago and have seen how difficult that can be. He is 18 years older than I am and taught me everything I know about basketball and Marquette basketball. While he might not be exactly the same guy, we still share our love of basketball and Marquette program. It is funny, he suffers some in memory but remembers every high and low of MU ball since 1964. To this day, we love the same players and dislike the same players.

I really hope your Dad responds well and you can share more life with him. In addition, thank you for the kind words. You are one Warrior that I love seeing your posts!!

[MU82]

That is awesome!  Thanks goose👍

   My dad had a stroke 2 months ago.  He is a mentor and a peer as well; we practiced together for 16 years.  We don’t know how much of him we are going to get back as he is more physically than mentally disabled.  But we still have him today and now, with goose’  dynamite response,  we always will have him

Thinking good thoughts for your dad, rocketman.

[rocket surgeon]

Thinking good thoughts for your dad, rocketman.

Thanks 82-youre not as bad as they say you are😉👍
     didn’t mean to steal the show from pilot, but thought if we could empathize with him, it would help

[WarriorDad]

That is awesome!  Thanks goose👍

   My dad had a stroke 2 months ago.  He is a mentor and a peer as well; we practiced together for 16 years.  We don’t know how much of him we are going to get back as he is more physically than mentally disabled.  But we still have him today and now, with goose’  dynamite response,  we always will have him

Prayers to Rocket and to MU Pilot.   I lost a parent in my 20's.  My wife lost a parent in her teens.   Love them every day, miss them every day and that was many many years ago.  I am hoping sincerely for the best for both of you and your loved ones in these trying times. 

[rocket surgeon]

Prayers to Rocket and to MU Pilot.   I lost a parent in my 20's.  My wife lost a parent in her teens.   Love them every day, miss them every day and that was many many years ago.  I am hoping sincerely for the best for both of you and your loved ones in these trying times.

WarriorD-your thoughtful post is very much appreciated. Hearing from someone who has experienced the ultimate sorrow means a lot to all of us in the MU community.  I also have my wife of 34 years supporting me-she lost both of her parents, my in laws whom I never met, when she was 7(dad) and 14(Mom).  Relationships are so important in this circle of life-thanks to all of you guys! 

  Hang in there pilot-I didn’t mean to steal your thread, but when I have one those low moments of despair and look for strength, you will be in my thoughts as well 🙏

[Bad_Reporter]

I definitely don't want this thread about me.  Hopefully this is a place we can all open up, share our life experiences and gain strength from other people's stories.

Again, I appreciate all of the awesome feedback, and sympathize for everyone in here who has lost someone, or knows someone who is Ill. 

You guys are fantastic, and I'll pray for each one of you.

[dgies9156]

I definitely don't want this thread about me.  Hopefully this is a place we can all open up, share our life experiences and gain strength from other people's stories.

Again, I appreciate all of the awesome feedback, and sympathize for everyone in here who has lost someone, or knows someone who is Ill. 

You guys are fantastic, and I'll pray for each one of you.

Thanks Pilot. We'll be praying for you and your family too!

[Bad_Reporter]

Hey gents,

Just an update, i just found out she has CUP cancer which i guess is (Cancer of unknown primary)  The more i google, the more upset i get.  I think the part that really bothers me is she is so negative all of the time.  She acts like there is no hope.  When she is awake, or will talk, it's about how she wont have hair during my wedding this October, how she needs to put her car, and bank account,  in someones name. etc.  I wish there was something i could do to make her feel better, or be at least a fraction of her old happy self.

I think Goose or someone else said it.  Waiting is stressful, constant test, and no results.  No way of fighting this disease.  Just watching her sit in a chair and not say a word.

I guess i'll keep holding out hope.  The Dr's say she has Stage 4 cancer, yet don't know what or where it is, i don't understand how that can be.

Thanks again for responding everybody.  I read this thread more then you'll ever know.

Jesse

[Goose]

Pilot

Keep being yourself, loving and supporting her. I can only imagine the emotions that both you and your Mom are experiencing at the moment. The one I thing I have learned in life, and it took my until my 40's to understand, is that God really and truly has a plan for all of us. We might not agree with his plan, but having faith in Him and the plan is really all we have.

I am sure that once you and your Mom have a firm understanding of the situation, that the emotions you are experiencing will be replaced with a different set of emotions. I remember when my Mom passed, and she was a roller coaster of emotions for several weeks. I think in my case, my Mom felt like she let me down and was feeling guilty. For me, once I understood and accepted what the condition was, I spent every moment I could with her talking about every happy thing we ever shared. To this day I remember holding her hand when she died and telling her "you already know I love you with my whole heart, and what I want you to remember is, thank you for giving me the most wonderful life possible". Telling her thank you was the greatest thing I ever told her.

In closing, keep the faith. Love and thank your Mom everyday and trust in God. Feel free to reach out to me if you ever need anything.

[jsglow]

Pilot, she's going to process how she processes and you can't beat yourself up over that.  Just be the supportive son you're trying to be.  I trust that counseling can be part of her treatment package.

[tower912]

Jesse, you did not cause this.  It is beyond your ability to fix.  The most helpless, hopeless feeling in the world. Counseling for your mother is a good idea.  Counseling for YOU is an even better idea.   You are clearly in pain and struggling, brother.  Make use of the resources available to you.  Good luck and God's blessings upon you.

edit:   I don't know where you work, but most employers are partnered with some kind of EAP.    Your situation is exactly what EAP's are here for.   You are not weak.   You are not crazy.  You are already grieving.   It is OK.    You are in a short/intermediate term situation that is overwhelming your normal coping mechanisms.   An EAP is a good place to start for help. 

[rocket surgeon]

pilot-

  there's a little book out there called "daily reflections"  yes, it was put out mainly for alcoholics, but i believe it can play a role in anyone's day to day living. with short excerpts from "the big book" then followed by a short reflection by someone who is learning how to cope with life on life's terms.  it is dated(not by year) beginning with january 1 thru december 31 of course, but that is more pertinent for someone who is new to a recovery.  the particular day is not really important, but the reflections can help give you solace in very difficult time(s).  even re-reading certain days one day can evoke different emotions the next.  i've had mine over 10 years and it sits at my bedside; one of the first things i see in the morning and last thing at night.  every day is a gift

   it's just a thought as i'm trying to add something a little different from all the previous absolutely fantastic thoughts from our fellow 'scoopers.

one more thing-tell your mom how important she has been, is, and continues to be for you. what she has taught you, how many people she has touched and how. they may try to 2nd guess themselves-that's not fair.  allow her to reflect of course and listen-what she may be doing without either of you realizing is a sort of living amends-that can be very comforting for her and hopefully give both of you a dose of let's kick the crap out of this bay boy!! 

the term "thoughts and prayers" has taken a beating on this board in a different topic, but i don't give a damn man-it is very pertinent here because that is really the best way to convey my empathy

have a blessed Easter pilot!

 

[GooooMarquette]

Jesse - Sorry to hear about the added frustration of not knowing. Just be there for her, and you will be doing the right thing.