Pat on the back

[tower912]

Like anything else, coaching middle school girls is a mixed blessing.  I helped coach my daughter's team from 5-8th grade.  I watched them go from adorable to (some of them) annoying as hell.  But they did listen better than their male classmates, whom I also helped coach.  The two teams scrimmaged after their 6 th grade season and the girls dominated, because they ran their sets, helped on defense, and rebounded.
   Yes, a couple of times I got the "I'm not going to pass it to Susie because I like joey, but he likes Susie" crap.  30 seconds of yelling and making them run suicides fixed it.
It has been my experience that the parents really dictate how enjoyable coaching is.

[MU82]

Like anything else, coaching middle school girls is a mixed blessing.  I helped coach my daughter's team from 5-8th grade.  I watched them go from adorable to (some of them) annoying as hell.  But they did listen better than their male classmates, whom I also helped coach.  The two teams scrimmaged after their 6 th grade season and the girls dominated, because they ran their sets, helped on defense, and rebounded.
   Yes, a couple of times I got the "I'm not going to pass it to Susie because I like joey, but he likes Susie" crap.  30 seconds of yelling and making them run suicides fixed it.
It has been my experience that the parents really dictate how enjoyable coaching is.

In six years of coaching this age group, 2 as an assistant and now 4 as head coach at my current stop, I have not found this kind of thing to be an issue at all. Nor did it seem to be an issue when I was helping with my daughter's teams back in the late-'90s.

Now, maybe I've just been fortunate. My current school is a charter school for highly gifted students. These kids are extremely driven, very intelligent and a little nerdy. There have been some minor issues because kids are kids are kids, but nothing like you described.

I do agree that the parents dictate a lot. But again, I guess I've been fortunate - I have really liked the vast majority of parents, and they have been incredibly supportive of and grateful for me. In 4 years, I have had exactly 2 complaints about playing time. One came two games into my first season, the other a few games into this season. Both backed off when I calmly explained my philosophy and actually thanked me for doing so.

[tower912]

MU82, I guess I must have presented it wrong.   The kids worked hard.   The issues we had were minor and easily fixed.  I view the hormonal stuff as normal.   There were times that I flashed back to being a middle school boy and being completely unable to fathom girls, but now, as an adult, viewing the same stuff and thinking "Ohhhh.   Now I get it."   On a whole, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.   My experience roughly parallels your own.    I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

[MU82]

MU82, I guess I must have presented it wrong.   The kids worked hard.   The issues we had were minor and easily fixed.  I view the hormonal stuff as normal.   There were times that I flashed back to being a middle school boy and being completely unable to fathom girls, but now, as an adult, viewing the same stuff and thinking "Ohhhh.   Now I get it."   On a whole, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.   My experience roughly parallels your own.    I wouldn't trade it for anything.

As is often the case, tower, you and I are on the same page.

These kids are fun and goofy and smart and spirited. They keep me on my toes!

You'll probably appreciate this story ...

One of my best players, a 6th-grader who also is my youngest player, suffered a bit of an emotional meltdown in a game. She was in foul trouble all game (a rarity - she has never fouled out in 2 seasons) and didn't play much the first 3Q. I put her at PG (not her primary position but one she plays quite often) to start the 4Q so our excellent PG could get a couple minutes rest before the stretch run. We had a 1-point lead. The kid promptly throws a pass that gets intercepted for a layup. Next time down ... same damn thing. Three possessions later ... another bad pass ... but this time, she challenges the shooter and picks up foul No. 4. As they line up for FTs, one of my bench players says, "You'd better check on X - I think she's hurt." Sure enough, X was crying hysterically. But she wasn't hurt, just embarrassed.

I had to take her out of the game. I quickly told her that all she did was make a few mistakes, like every basketball player ever has done, and that I would put her back in the game as soon as she tells me she's ready because I still believe in her. But when I looked down the bench about 2 minutes later, she was still sobbing uncontrollably; and now two of her teammates were hugging and trying to comfort her, meaning I had 3 players I couldn't use. We ended up losing by 4 points - our first loss after an 8-0 start.

Afterward, the girl was still crying. "I cost us the game! It's my fault we lost!" Even though it probably WAS her fault we lost I obviously told her the opposite. And I reminded her about all the games she helped us win. I told her that although she over-reacted, I appreciated that she cared so deeply and was willing to take responsibility. And I told her about a player two years earlier who had a similar situation but bounced back strongly. Blah blah blah ... I tried every coaching angle I could think of. Finally, after about 5 minutes, I walked her over to her mommy.

The next day at practice, she was fine, and she went on to be our leading scorer for the season. Played absolutely great in the championship game. The meltdown was never mentioned again.

So yeah, every once in awhile there definitely is drama with this age group. Then again, there's drama with NBA players pretty much every day, and most of them aren't 12-year-old girls.

[tower912]

In 6th grade, one of my players was ridiculously aggressive and prone to fouling.   Actually, she was like that all 4 years.    Anyway, we are leading in the 4th quarter and R commits her 4th foul.   One of her teammates comes over to me and says that she is rested and ready to go in for R.   I tell her to sit down and relax, that R is going to commit her 5th foul on the next possession and that she can go in then.   She gives me a weird look and sits down. 
    Next trip down the floor, R commits her 5th foul.    I tell T to go in for her, and she walks to the scorer's table staring at me with the most awestruck look on her face.    The other two coaches are trying not to fall off their chairs from laughing so hard.   All of the moms after the game wanted to know what was so funny that the three of us couldn't stop laughing.

[MU82]

In 6th grade, one of my players was ridiculously aggressive and prone to fouling.   Actually, she was like that all 4 years.    Anyway, we are leading in the 4th quarter and R commits her 4th foul.   One of her teammates comes over to me and says that she is rested and ready to go in for R.   I tell her to sit down and relax, that R is going to commit her 5th foul on the next possession and that she can go in then.   She gives me a weird look and sits down. 
    Next trip down the floor, R commits her 5th foul.    I tell T to go in for her, and she walks to the scorer's table staring at me with the most awestruck look on her face.    The other two coaches are trying not to fall of their chairs from laughing so hard.   All of the moms after the game wanted to know what was so funny that the three of us couldn't stop laughing.

That's great stuff, tower. Who knew you had such amazing predictive powers?!?!?! Kids are so goofy.

Championship game on Monday. My PG played the entire 3Q but I had to get her out for 2 minutes. So I sit her to start the 4th and put in one of my lesser-used players. As we talk before going out for the 4th, she says, "I'm just gonna play one minute and then you're gonna put X back in, right?" And I look her in the eyes and say, "Yep, that sounds about right. So give me the best minute you possibly can. Give us a jolt of energy."

And she did.

[tower912]

I do agree that the parents dictate a lot.

My 'favorite' parent moment is the night while coaching 8th grade girls that I got a call from one parent telling me I was being too rough on the girls, followed by a call an hour later from another parent that I wasn't being tough enough.    I thanked them both.   

There is always going to be moments with parents, but I have found that proactively communicating heads off a lot of problems. 

[brandx]

My 'favorite' parent moment is the night while coaching 8th grade girls that I got a call from one parent telling me I was being too rough on the girls, followed by a call an hour later from another parent that I wasn't being tough enough.    I thanked them both.   

There is always going to be moments with parents, but I have found that proactively communicating heads off a lot of problems.

Wondering if you or Mike have coached kid's football at all. I have done a little coaching of baseball, basketball and football.

I thoroughly enjoyed the baseball and basketball, but hated coaching football. The kids were actually great - they know who is better, so things usually sort out OK - but the parents (mostly dads) were unbearable to deal with. Many thought their sons were superstars, as they remembered themselves to be, and were brutal on the sidelines. While some of it was directed at us coaches, it was mainly yelling and demeaning their own kids when they didn't make a play. It only took two years for me to have my fill and quit.

[tower912]

I haven't coached football.    10 basketball teams.  (boys and girls)  3 girl's softball teams.   14 little league teams.    I get pain-in-the-butt parents about every 3-4 seasons.    What is interesting to me is I, and the guys I coach with, always make it abundantly clear at the beginning that we are fallible and make mistakes.   We specifically request that if a parent has an issue with us to approach us and discuss it with us like adults.   It works 95% of the time.   Can't please everybody. 

[MU82]

I've never coached football.

A little Little League baseball and one season as an assistant HS softball coach, in addition to the basketball.

We have a strict "24-hour" rule when it comes to parents discussing playing time, strategy, etc. The two parents who whined about playing time, I emailed them right back and said I was enforcing the 24-hour rule and would get back to them tomorrow. They were fine with that, and it gave all of us time to deal with it properly. I brought the AD in on it so he knew what was going on.

[WI inferiority Complexes]

MU82  to replace Coach K.

[MU82]

MU82  to replace Coach K.

As long as my team would get to compete against 7th-grade girls, I'd have the Blue Devils soaring again!

[TAMU, Knower of Ball]

MU82  to replace Coach K.

Never replace a legend. It never goes well.

MU82 to replace the guy after Coach K!

[MU82]

We had our season-ending party Saturday.

The captain of the team, assisted by her current and former teammates, made a "This Is Your Life" style video tribute for me. I choked back tears for almost the entire 8 minutes.

I'm 56 years old, and I'm pretty sure I have never had anybody do anything that nice for me or make me feel that special.

They didn't have to do that. My reward came from working with these incredible kids. But wow. Just wow.

[Herman Cain]

Just coached my girls basketball team to a second straight conference title. I'm so proud of these great, hard-working kids who outhustle opponents and are very coachable. Lots of fun, too.

In 2015, we had made the first trip to the championship game - girls or boys - in school history but lost. So that's three straight title games, winning the last two.

OK ... I'd better stop now before I hurt my arm.

Congrats . The girls will have some awesome life memories from your efforts.

[brandx]

We had our season-ending party Saturday.

The captain of the team, assisted by her current and former teammates, made a "This Is Your Life" style video tribute for me. I choked back tears for almost the entire 8 minutes.

I'm 56 years old, and I'm pretty sure I have never had anybody do anything that nice for me or make me feel that special.

They didn't have to do that. My reward came from working with these incredible kids. But wow. Just wow.

I'm not surprised. I am sure it was well deserved.

[MU82]

I'm not surprised. I am sure it was well deserved.

I'm gonna be totally honest here ... aside from the likes of Mother Teresa, MLK, Gandhi, Lincoln, Mandela and a few select others, I'm not sure anybody "deserves" the tribute I got. It was that incredible!

[Benny B]

There's nothing wrong with congratulating yourself for a job well done on Scoop, especially one that may have been due in some part to the advice and counsel of other Scoopers.  But we used to have a frequent Scooper whose posts near the very end fell into one of two categories: self-promotion and unsolicited injection of politics.

Please be careful not to fall into the same trap; i.e. stay on this thread's topic.

[MU82]

There's nothing wrong with congratulating yourself for a job well done on Scoop, especially one that may have been due in some part to the advice and counsel of other Scoopers.  But we used to have a frequent Scooper whose posts near the very end fell into one of two categories: self-promotion and unsolicited injection of politics.

Please be careful not to fall into the same trap; i.e. stay on this thread's topic.

Will do. Now ... what would Trump do?

That's a joke, son!

[Benny B]

Will do. Now ... what would Trump do?

That's a joke, son!

If the Valencia-in-Chief starts Scooping, we'll talk.

And that was a really bad joke... though they say humor is one of the first things to go; or maybe it's the last.  Can't really remember much these days.  Get those kids back on your lawn.

[MU82]

Back on topic ...

My best player is an 8th-grader trying to decide which HS she'll go to. She's going to be a HS player for sure, but one of her choices is the best program in the state, and she might not get to play for their varsity. (Although she is extremely athletic and coachable, so who knows?)

As good as she is, she sometimes lacks a little confidence, so I took her to a HS JV game (figuring that wherever she goes, she'll have to play JV for at least a year). It was eye-opening to her to see that she could play at that level right now. I told her she would start for either team if they gave her a uniform today ... and because I don't lie to these kids, she knew I meant it.

She's now much more psyched for HS hoops because she knows she's got enough game to play with them.

Yet another public service for today's youth by your friendly neighborhood Scooper.

[brandx]

I would tell my grandson he was the best player on his team (a losing team), but he never believed me. Then the coach of Caron Butler's summer traveling team saw him and asked him to come play with them and all of a sudden he is full of confidence.

[MU82]

I would tell my grandson he was the best player on his team (a losing team), but he never believed me. Then the coach of Caron Butler's summer traveling team saw him and asked him to come play with them and all of a sudden he is full of confidence.

Not surprised. Young athletes are smart and they know their parents or grandparents are biased - and they are right! If they hear it from a coach or, better yet, a peer they really respect, that's what they believe.