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Author Topic: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.  (Read 7862 times)

muwarrior69

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More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« on: May 25, 2016, 06:59:45 AM »
My wife and I lived with our parents until we got married. We were both 27 and had quite a nest egg when we married. My aunt on my Dad's side and my uncle on my Mom's side lived with their parents until they died. My wife's aunt also lived with her mother (my wife's grandmother) until she died. I wonder why some believe this is "unusual". I know some of you have kids who are just graduating college. Are they staying home or moving out on their own?

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/05/24/479327382/for-first-time-in-130-years-more-young-adults-live-with-parents-than-partners

Blackhat

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2016, 07:37:45 AM »
Colleges are now preparing kids for a life of sucking on the government teet and dependency.  Not to mention awkward familial arrangements.  Progress.

 :o

Frenns Liquor Depot

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2016, 07:50:14 AM »
I believe it is important because since the number of people who are head of household under 34 is regressing to levels not seen since the 60's.  Effectively unwinding a couple generations worth of household formation/consumption in the economy at the same time as the baby boomers are starting to downsize, etc. 

I would say it is unusual because most social issues we don't look back 50-60 years and think hey it's not so crazy because it happened in the 50's & 60's. 

Personally believe a tighter family construct is not necessarily a bad thing, unless it is because of being trapped by debt or lack of opportunity as opposed to choosing to have  a tighter family bond.  Hopefully it is transitory or by choice.

GGGG

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2016, 07:59:24 AM »
My kids are gone and on their own.  I have friends with college graduates living with them for economic reasons.  I have friends with kids living with them because they want them to, and they still cook for them, do their laundry, etc.  I find the latter more more disturbing than the former.

jsglow

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2016, 08:36:42 AM »
It's interesting.  Chick jr. just came home after college just long enough to study for and pass her Board exams.  She already had her MKE apartment situation lined up and so we all knew it was super temporary.  Never had to get into a discussion about 'new' role at home post college.  Lasted less than 3 months.  Jsglow jr. arriving home this week following graduation but expects to spend as much time in MKE as possible where most of his freelance digital media opportunities exist while he continues to look for a permanent gig.  While he's more than welcome for as long as he needs to be here, I think he too is anxious to move on with his life.  If a gig in Chicago materializes, I suspect he'll live here at home for awhile for economic reasons only.

Bottom line, sometimes I think parents facilitate 'delayed adulthood' for their grown kids.  We're trying hard not to fall into that trap. I'm confident we'll be successful for everyone's benefit.  But it is an issue I think about these days.

wadesworld

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2016, 08:47:35 AM »
There are far too many people in this country who do not have at least one of their parents present in their lives (for any number of reasons), especially young kids.  Better to let your kids lean on you for too long than to not be there to raise them or be around for them when needed.
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MU82

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2016, 09:10:21 AM »
My kids are gone and on their own.  I have friends with college graduates living with them for economic reasons.  I have friends with kids living with them because they want them to, and they still cook for them, do their laundry, etc.  I find the latter more more disturbing than the former.

I'd agree with this. There are kids who need a little emotional support or who need to save up for their own house, etc. It's common sense that they would live with their parents, especially if everybody gets along, contributes to the household, etc.

I have a friend whose 36-year-old son has gainful employment, a newer car and money to buy pot, but he lives at home and pays no bills. His father asked me if he should maybe ask his son to pay the cable bill, and I'm like, "Uh ... yeah. And effen rent, too!"

BTW, my kids, 29 and 28, have been on their own for many years. I was proud when they were able to make it without being on our teets. My son, who lives in Chicago and has a job that lets him pay his rent and bills and not much else, is such a good, loving, hard-working kid that for his birthday last year we decided to pay half of his health-care costs. He was very appreciative of that gift.
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Goose

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #7 on: May 25, 2016, 09:33:44 AM »
We currently have two sons living at home. One is 27 and college grad and second is 22 and graduated on Sunday. Son #1 at home lived in Chicago for several years after college trying to become a chef and moved home three years ago to change careers and get on solid footing. Son #2 is home strictly to build a nest neg and get himself on solid footing moving forward.

I/we put two rules in place (this included oldest son who lived at home for 2.5 after graduating) and they are:

#1 They have to prove to Mrs. Goose and I that they are saving at least 90% of what living on their own would cost every month. Oldest son saved son saved enough to buy condo in Third Ward with over 20% down payment in 2.5 years plus max out his 401k each year.
#2 They have to follow same rules as when in college home for summer. Basically they need to communicate if home for dinner in advance and if staying out over night we need a text sent to us.

I enjoy having the kids at home but do think expectations are needed on both sides. Mom and I continue supporting them (room and board) and they become responsible adults, save money and get great start in life.

jsglow

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #8 on: May 25, 2016, 10:18:33 AM »
I'd agree with this. There are kids who need a little emotional support or who need to save up for their own house, etc. It's common sense that they would live with their parents, especially if everybody gets along, contributes to the household, etc.

I have a friend whose 36-year-old son has gainful employment, a newer car and money to buy pot, but he lives at home and pays no bills. His father asked me if he should maybe ask his son to pay the cable bill, and I'm like, "Uh ... yeah. And effen rent, too!"

BTW, my kids, 29 and 28, have been on their own for many years. I was proud when they were able to make it without being on our teets. My son, who lives in Chicago and has a job that lets him pay his rent and bills and not much else, is such a good, loving, hard-working kid that for his birthday last year we decided to pay half of his health-care costs. He was very appreciative of that gift.

Speechless.  We're thinking some form of rent begins by the time the leaves turn golden this fall.

MomofMUltiples

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2016, 10:24:35 AM »
I feel blessed that DadofMUltiples and I are able to support our children when they need us, but that currently the three who are out of college are gainfully employed, responsible adults who choose to live on their own.  Like Goose, we have had adult children living with us at various times, and while we have never asked them to pay for room and board, we have set similar expectations about saving and contributing to household duties, cooking the occasional meal and other things.  Before we moved, we had a carriage house apartment that our older boys "rented" for the cost of utilities before they moved out on their own.  My daughter lived with us for a year after graduation and at Christmas she surprised me with a new LG stainless double oven range as a thank-you for not having to pay rent for the year.  Our home will always be open to our kids when they need it, but as we no longer have the 6 bedroom + apartment home, I'm hoping they don't all need us at once!

I'm more concerned about a different trend that I see, and that is parents who continue to support their children to live outside the home after college.  When I graduated from college, we rented ratty apartments and used cinder blocks and boards to create storage shelves, bought used cars and learned to live on a budget.  Many of my daughter's friends' parents are renting luxury apartments for their children, while the kids spend their money on travel and vip service at clubs and eat most of their meals out.  She's had to be very clear with them that she cannot keep up with their lifestyle because she pays for her own rent and her car and is trying to save money to buy a house.  Fortunately, she's now dating a really great guy who has similar goals, so she isn't feeling so left behind anymore.  I cannot imagine how these parents believe they are doing their kids any favors by allowing them to live beyond their means.   In my opinion, if that's the lifestyle they aspire to, they need to go out and earn it.

I mean, OK, maybe he's secretly a serial killer who's pulled the wool over our eyes with his good deeds and smooth jumper - Pakuni (on Markus Howard)

WellsstreetWanderer

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2016, 10:37:17 AM »
It's instant gratification now. Live at home and spend their money on themselves while M&D provide room and board. See many folks who are abetting this practice. My son lived at home after graduating and he hated it. When he finally found a  good job he moved out. Both daughters never came back after graduation and all three have been off the payroll for years now. I set the expectations that when they were done with school ,I was done with support. Of course, we are willing to help if needed but they anticipated the spigot being turned off at some time.

jsglow

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2016, 10:39:10 AM »
I feel blessed that DadofMUltiples and I are able to support our children when they need us, but that currently the three who are out of college are gainfully employed, responsible adults who choose to live on their own.  Like Goose, we have had adult children living with us at various times, and while we have never asked them to pay for room and board, we have set similar expectations about saving and contributing to household duties, cooking the occasional meal and other things.  Before we moved, we had a carriage house apartment that our older boys "rented" for the cost of utilities before they moved out on their own.  My daughter lived with us for a year after graduation and at Christmas she surprised me with a new LG stainless double oven range as a thank-you for not having to pay rent for the year.  Our home will always be open to our kids when they need it, but as we no longer have the 6 bedroom + apartment home, I'm hoping they don't all need us at once!

I'm more concerned about a different trend that I see, and that is parents who continue to support their children to live outside the home after college.  When I graduated from college, we rented ratty apartments and used cinder blocks and boards to create storage shelves, bought used cars and learned to live on a budget.  Many of my daughter's friends' parents are renting luxury apartments for their children, while the kids spend their money on travel and vip service at clubs and eat most of their meals out.  She's had to be very clear with them that she cannot keep up with their lifestyle because she pays for her own rent and her car and is trying to save money to buy a house.  Fortunately, she's now dating a really great guy who has similar goals, so she isn't feeling so left behind anymore.  I cannot imagine how these parents believe they are doing their kids any favors by allowing them to live beyond their means.   In my opinion, if that's the lifestyle they aspire to, they need to go out and earn it.

Holly chit.  No chance.

jsglow

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2016, 10:40:54 AM »
It's instant gratification now. Live at home and spend their money on themselves while M&D provide room and board. See many folks who are abetting this practice. My son lived at home after graduating and he hated it. When he finally found a  good job he moved out. Both daughters never came back after graduation and all three have been off the payroll for years now. I set the expectations that when they were done with school ,I was done with support. Of course, we are willing to help if needed but they anticipated the spigot being turned off at some time.

Exactly.

mu03eng

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #13 on: May 25, 2016, 10:41:48 AM »
There's multiple parts to this coin. I get the economic side of things, and if that's what it's for I guess I'm ok with it, but even then I'm leary. There is something to be said for the young kids figuring out that live isn't sunshine and roses and they have to grind early to get some where in the long run. Even if you have to live in a crappy apartment and drive a crappy car I think there is value latter in live to appreciate the work that goes into making it in life.

I moved straight from Humphrey to an apartment when I graduated college and that was important to both me and my parents. I like my parents and living with them in the summers in college wasn't bad at all....but it also wasn't living by myself which is what college allowed me to appreciate and enjoy. Also didn't have a choice because I wasn't stationed anywhere near them, put we don't need to focus on that.

Having said all that, one of the most memorable conversations I ever had with my father was around this very topic. He said that he was glad I was on my own, not because they didn't like me, but because that I could succeed or fail while still having the safety net of home as an option. The big thing was telling me that I had grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle thanks to my parents hard work and sacrifice and that lifestyle was not something I could afford to continue until I put in a lot of hard work myself. I think that's a big game with the millenial generation is that while there is usually a direct correlation between hard work and financial success they don't immediately follow each other so you can't live like your boomer parents did.
"A Plan? Oh man, I hate plans. That means were gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy......or a mission statement."

mu03eng

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #14 on: May 25, 2016, 10:49:24 AM »
Further expansion on the generation thing. The boomers and early Gen Xers that are responsible for the millennials have accrued a tremendous amount of wealth in this country and the millennials got to live off of that in their formative years. That type of lifestyle is something they come to expect but the only way to do that is to have mom and dad finance the day to day stuff like rent and food. It's pretty sad that that type of behavior is being fostered and I worry how the millennials will turn out when they are put in a position to fend for themselves and/or make decisions with significant consequence on society.
"A Plan? Oh man, I hate plans. That means were gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy......or a mission statement."

jsglow

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2016, 10:51:47 AM »
There's multiple parts to this coin. I get the economic side of things, and if that's what it's for I guess I'm ok with it, but even then I'm leary. There is something to be said for the young kids figuring out that live isn't sunshine and roses and they have to grind early to get some where in the long run. Even if you have to live in a crappy apartment and drive a crappy car I think there is value latter in live to appreciate the work that goes into making it in life.

I moved straight from Humphrey to an apartment when I graduated college and that was important to both me and my parents. I like my parents and living with them in the summers in college wasn't bad at all....but it also wasn't living by myself which is what college allowed me to appreciate and enjoy. Also didn't have a choice because I wasn't stationed anywhere near them, put we don't need to focus on that.

Having said all that, one of the most memorable conversations I ever had with my father was around this very topic. He said that he was glad I was on my own, not because they didn't like me, but because that I could succeed or fail while still having the safety net of home as an option. The big thing was telling me that I had grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle thanks to my parents hard work and sacrifice and that lifestyle was not something I could afford to continue until I put in a lot of hard work myself. I think that's a big game with the millenial generation is that while there is usually a direct correlation between hard work and financial success they don't immediately follow each other so you can't live like your boomer parents did.

Couldn't agree more eng.  'Bout time Owen start to earn his keep, doncha think?

DegenerateDish

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2016, 12:01:11 PM »
After graduating from MU, I lived at home until I was 27, solely to save for a house and engagement ring. I paid rent, and saved like crazy putting money away and investing. Only regret I have is buying a house in Dec 2005, instead of waiting another year and a half after the market collapsed.

GGGG

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #17 on: May 25, 2016, 12:05:06 PM »
Further expansion on the generation thing. The boomers and early Gen Xers that are responsible for the millennials have accrued a tremendous amount of wealth in this country and the millennials got to live off of that in their formative years. That type of lifestyle is something they come to expect but the only way to do that is to have mom and dad finance the day to day stuff like rent and food. It's pretty sad that that type of behavior is being fostered and I worry how the millennials will turn out when they are put in a position to fend for themselves and/or make decisions with significant consequence on society.

Millennials will be fine.  Just like us GenExers such as myself, who were once labelled as "slackers," turned out fine. 

WI inferiority Complexes

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2016, 12:07:50 PM »
For a variety of reasons, my wife and I are eagerly awaiting our kids moving out of the nest, (our kids are 10, 7, and 4 years old).

mu03eng

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #19 on: May 25, 2016, 12:09:01 PM »
Millennials will be fine.  Just like us GenExers such as myself, who were once labelled as "slackers," turned out fine.

I'm not saying they won't be fine, but as a member of the millennial generation I still think the current attitude is ridiculous. I also think the push back from the older generation is part of what forces the new generation to not be that thing they've labeled.
"A Plan? Oh man, I hate plans. That means were gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy......or a mission statement."

GGGG

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #20 on: May 25, 2016, 12:09:44 PM »
For a variety of reasons, my wife and I are eagerly awaiting our kids moving out of the nest, (our kids are 10, 7, and 4 years old).


If you start selling heroin or running a prostitution ring, your kids will be out of the house in no time!

GGGG

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #21 on: May 25, 2016, 12:12:14 PM »
I'm not saying they won't be fine, but as a member of the millennial generation I still think the current attitude is ridiculous. I also think the push back from the older generation is part of what forces the new generation to not be that thing they've labeled.


My point is that people said the same thing about my generation 25 years ago.  "Kids" right out of school are smart, but they aren't wise.  They'll figure it out just like we did.

jsglow

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #22 on: May 25, 2016, 12:21:00 PM »
For a variety of reasons, my wife and I are eagerly awaiting our kids moving out of the nest, (our kids are 10, 7, and 4 years old).

HA! You ain't even warmed up yet.  Buckle in for the next 20.  Helluva ride.

ChitownSpaceForRent

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #23 on: May 25, 2016, 01:01:04 PM »
I still live with my parents, mostly because there's no point of me getting my own place since I'm going to grad school in the fall. But even if I didn't, I probably couldn't afford to live on my own, and I work two jobs. I honestly, don't think I've gone out since like January. I dunno how all of your kids got a job where they could support themselves out of college but good on them.

Goose

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Re: More young adults (18-34) live with parents.
« Reply #24 on: May 25, 2016, 01:15:14 PM »
SpaceforRent

Don't feel badly about your situation. I agree that it is very difficult to get a job that you can live on your own and save money. Both of my sons make enough to live on their own but they would struggle on getting head start on savings.

I will say one thing does piss me off, all of our kids are on the cellphone plan and I am paying whole bill. It literally is not much per kid but still pisses me off. I recently told each of the three out of school they owe Mom and I an Eddie Martini gift card every year for life.

 

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